Fully Engaged

Dear Receptionist at the Doctor's Office,

2012-02-16T11:32:00.004-09:00

I don't know you. But we've been seeing each other for almost 10 years now. I used to think you were super-nice and I never had any anxiety about coming in or calling. But over the last few years I've sensed a change. I get a negative vibe from you. Your niceness does not seem genuine and I actually feel despised by you. I don't look forward to coming in anymore and I get anxious when I have to call. I don't like to be disliked. I don't know why you would dislike me. But my feeling is that you despise me for my kids being on Denali Kid Care and my having more babies.

My husband is a teacher. I believe it is a noble profession. He has all kinds of degrees and training. And he is brilliant. He could do ANYthing he wanted and make more income. But he believes in what he is doing. My husband has a strong moral character and a conviction about what he does. Kids are not going to skate through his class and students and parents often come back and thank him for his efforts. Recently, a former high school student wrote my husband, thanking him profusely, and telling him he didn't know how he would have turned out if my husband hadn't kept him on the right track in school. He said all the young couples he and his wife went to school with are partying or constantly in trouble with the law for illegal substance abuse. This feedback keeps him going. He personally invests himself in his students.

We believe in a big family. We love our children. We agreed from the beginning that you can't wait on perfect circumstances or financial situations to have children. God has always provided. Part of that provision is Denali Kid Care. It is a sad thing that a teacher with tenure can still qualify for for state health assistance. Not all public teachers are great, but I would say most that I know go into the profession because they feel called to it. They put in more hours and effort than they are financially compensated for. Their families sacrifice. As a product of one such teacher, I would know.

So, dear Receptionist, whether or not you are really thinking that, I hope that you aren't judging people for having kids when they "can't afford them". I promise I'll stop having kids one of these days and maybe someday my husband will get paid enough that we don't qualify for Denali. But as long as we do, I need to take advantage of it.

sick of being sick.

2012-02-09T16:38:00.003-09:00

I just need to vent a little. This is a hard time for me. It's quite silly, but I just really did not expect to be hit so hard with morning sickness this time around. With Carson I was so sick and each successive pregnancy has been a little better. So, I really wasn't expecting this. I am just worthless around here. My poor kids! I went from feeding them these ultra healthy meals and trading the breakfast cereal for eggs and oatmeal to making them eat cereal for every meal. Matt has been gone to negotiating meetings almost every night. The worst time of day is when I need to figure out dinner. The counters are all covered with dishes. The dishwasher is full. The smell of food cooking makes me sick. The end.

Pregnancy....blah!

2012-01-31T20:23:00.003-09:00

Well, things have gotten progressively worse over the last several days! I could now be the poster child for the Junk Food Challenge, as I've pretty much gone 180* with my eating! I have managed to get over the guilt because the alternative is to be sick all the time and starve altogether and also let my family go hungry. We will get through this trying time. I just hope I am able to go back to eating healthy again without much struggle. Right now, everything that I was eating and everything that I should be eating makes me want to gag when I think about it. I also have no energy to cook and a killer headache that ruins everything.

It's unfortunate, I was hoping this pregnancy would be different. I had dreams about working out all the way through and eating right and not gaining much weight at all. Then my life would just go on post-partum, I could enjoy my baby and not worry about getting back in shape. Ha! What's happened in the past is I've been so sick in the beginning that I have to stop working out, then I am too exhausted to get back into it and of course I just eat whatever I can at first and then whatever I want later. Makes for a lot of work to get back into my pre-pregnancy jeans!

So, it's time for me to go to bed and get some rest, but I don't want to, because I am really dreading the morning!

A Bun in the Oven and the End of My Challenge

2012-01-26T20:55:00.004-09:00

So, I was pretty certain I was pregnant when I started my challenge. I felt fantastic up until day 23 and then the all day nausea set in. I have been working out with increasing intensity 6 days a week throughout this challenge. Five of those workouts take place at 5:15 am. On day 23, after working out, I was so nauseated I didn't know what to do because the quick and easy things to eat are definitely not whole30 approved. In my past pregnancies, I practically lived on cereal. I was thinking that maybe the foods I had eliminated were going to keep me from experiencing morning sickness, because I have read so many stories of primal/paleo women who don't. So that was an exciting thought. But no. I now have the nausea, the headaches, the exhaustion, everything. So I have to figure out how to keep myself from being sick without eating all the carbs that I crave.

Today's lunch.

I have been pretty much living on eggs the last few days. It's one of the few things that appeal to me. This morning I ate a small bowl of rice chex before working out and then went on with my regular routine of working out, showering, getting ready - before making the eggs. And since my challenge is over, I cooked them in butter and added my conventional bacon! Yum! It worked well and I managed to have a great workout still and not feel like I am going to pass out with nausea afterward. So, I guess I will allow myself this grain "cheat" until this nausea goes away!

Update on our dinners the last few nights. The turkey chili went over great with the kids. Matt didn't care for it as much. I liked it, but not as well as beef chili. The kids were surprised when I told them there was squash in it! The curry pork was a fail in my family's book. I love curry. They don't. But I didn't love the pork. Too dry. Tonight was my favorite, beef vegetable soup. I could live on this stuff. I don't know if I would ever get sick of it. :)

Here's some challenge stats for you:

weight lost in 23 days - 8 pounds

inches lost - 2 on belly, 1.5 on hips

Here's some baby stats: baby number 5 due September 2012!

ps - Some people just can't stand not knowing if a baby is "planned" or not, especially once you get past number 3. I think it's an inappropriate question, really, unless it is coming from a very close friend. Whether or not we planned this baby, God certainly did! But yes, this is something we wanted. The anticipation is almost unbearable! We are thrilled!

Kindness and Respect

2012-01-23T20:01:00.006-09:00

It's time to take a detour from my food challenge and talk about parenting a bit. And my darling children. Oh, how I love them! Carson will be 9 in two weeks! Hallie turned 5 last month. Montana is solid 7 and Ollie is approaching 3. They are the greatest gifts I could have ever been blessed with.

In the "early days" of parenting, when I had 3 preschoolers at home, I felt like it was all I could do to survive. I did my best to discipline and teach appropriate behavior. But mainly we worked on daily routine and right and wrong.

Over these last couple of years I have had a chance to breathe and reflect and consider what it is I really want to "teach" my children. What do I want to model? What kind of legacy do I want to leave? And what is it I want my children to take into their hearts and into the world?

And it really boils down to two things. Kindness and respect. These are what I value above all else. I pray daily with and for my kids for God to help them to be kind and respectful. Now, so far, they aren't always exemplifying these values at home. But we are all working on it together. I hope that they are just so exhausted from being so kind and respectful out in the world that sometimes they let their human weakness take over at home. :)

Also, perfect behavior is not important to me. I want my children to obey me out of love and respect. But they are kids, not robots. I do not expect them to be perfect and I don't spank them every time they mess up.

I believe having a thick skin is important and being able to be teased in love is essential. We are a family who laughs with each other and at ourselves. And you can often tell you are loved by a Fischer if we tease you. But I am teaching my children the difference between teasing and mocking, laughing with and laughing at. I hope they are learning to differentiate between appropriate times to tease and laugh and inappropriate times.

So here is what I want to say to you. If you know my kids, if you spend any kind of time with any of them at all, and you witness unkindness or disrespect, call them out on it. I cannot tolerate my children being rude, sassy, or bossy to adults. I cannot tolerate my children excluding other children, or being mean to their peers in any way. And, if you witness my children being respectful or extraordinarily kind, praise them! And PLEASE let me know as well, so I can be encouraged too. Parenting is tough work and I think we could all use a little more encouragement.

"Your own soul is nourished when you are kind, but you destroy yourself when you are cruel." Proverbs 11:17

"Respect everyone, and love your Christian brothers and sisters. Fear God, and respect authority." 1 Peter 2:17

Whole30 Day 21

2012-01-23T19:46:00.003-09:00

This is the turkey and yam hash I made last night. It was yummy! I tasted it and then worried that the husband wouldn't care for it. But his comment was: "if this is healthy then I want to eat healthy!" There wasn't enough to satisfy him because he loved it so much.

Tonight's dinner also turned out very good. But let me just say, I am not a salmon lover. I have not found a way of preparing salmon that keeps me coming back for more. I eat it because it's free and we have a freezer full. And because I know it is healthy. I enjoyed the yellow squash much more than the salmon.
The sun has stopped shining and today I was feeling really cruddy. Headache, general yucky feeling, no energy. I tried to take a nap, and lay in bed for a full hour, but I don't think I slept much. I was hoping to wake up refreshed and re-energized, but nope. I sure hope tomorrow is better, because when I feel this way, all I want to do it medicate with chocolate.

It's Day 20! (and a meal plan)

2012-01-22T13:37:00.003-09:00

I don't know what happened over the last couple days, but I feel like I got my vitality back. On Friday I struggled. I wanted to quit. Matt and I had no kids for the night and a gift card to St. Elias. The craving and thoughts of all kind of sweets kicked in. I wanted pizza. I wanted beer. I wanted chocolate! But I was strong and resisted that urge. When we got home from Carson's game, I opted to make some baked bars with almond flour and dates. The dates were the only sweetener. Even though it may not be best to find a "legal" way to get past that craving, still, I did stay legal and managed to hang in. Then on Saturday I stuck with my usual Sat. morning routine of about 6 cups of coffee over the course of 3 hours and I ate 2 of those bars for my breakfast around 8. Then I went to Zumba at 10 and I was feeling great. I went about my day and never got hungry again. I finally decided to eat again at 5, when I was feeding Oliver dinner. I felt fabulous all day and never felt hunger or thought about food. It happened again today when I didn't feel hungry for breakfast and had my coffee with coconut oil instead and waited until lunch to eat. This makes me really happy because, not only do I feel great, but food is not on my mind. I am not wondering what I am going to eat and when I can eat next. I love not feeling hungry and not wishing I could eat something I shouldn't. And I love being able to see things and watch people eat things (i.e. doughnuts at church) and not wish I was eating one too. Not compelled at all. Not missing what I should not have. Big happy face.

So, here is this week's meal plan. Since I made the turkey last week (the best thing I could have done), I have been enjoying homemade stock and turkey soup. I am getting adventurous again with some new recipes this week, so I hope my family doesn't rebel! :)

Sunday: turkey and yam hash

Monday: salmon with coconut cream

Tuesday: apple and pork curry

Wednesday: turkey pumpkin chili (I'm going to use frozen squash because I have some)

Thursday: beef vegetable soup

Friday: salsa chicken (I never ended up making this, with all the leftover turkey, and it's sort of serving as my backup meal right now)

Saturday: I will be gone this night and so I will probably let the fam eat pizza as a treat. I am thinking a nice yummy steak will be just the ticket for me on this special night. :)

So, fyi, Saturday will be day 26 and I am actually considering ending my challenge on this day. I will be celebrating the 40th birthday of a very dear friend that evening. I plan to stick to Whole30 as much as possible, but thus far I have not had to face the challenge of eating out during this challenge. On this day I will be having dinner out and then breakfast and lunch the next day. I am afraid it will be difficult to avoid butter. I also plan to make her some coconut bars that contain some honey (I do not use stevia. Ever.). For the sake of happiness and not feeling deprived, I may just end my challenge a few days early and enjoy the blessing of friendship. Either way, I will certainly let you all know what happens! :)

Oh, and it's Day 18.

2012-01-20T13:29:00.004-09:00

Yes, I am getting worn out with this. I am not as excited to show you my food anymore. There are no changes happening with lunches and breakfasts, and dinners have had a few less-than-satisfactory results. I am still hanging in, but definitely counting the days until this challenge is over. Not so I can start eating unhealthy stuff, but so I don't have to wonder what to eat when I am hungry between meals. Hopefully I will be able to reintroduce cheese without any issues. And then, when I need a snack I can go back to eating my salami and cheese - because even though salami is a processed meat, I still feel it is a better choice to snack on than cookies or crackers and, I like it. I can cook with butter. And consume bacon again.

And hopefully, I will continue to do an awesome job making meal plans each week and feeding my entire family healthier, not just me. Being on this challenge has really made it easier to bring the whole family in to healthier eating, because there is no more junk in this house. I know I don't do well with temptation. Hopefully, I will be able to go back to eating a very small portion of dark chocolate now and then and occasionally bake a Primal treat using honey or maple, and almond flour without losing complete control of how much of these sweets I eat.

Hopefully, I will take the time and effort to make myself a salad for lunch or cook up a quick stir fry. Rather than just eating an apple with almond butter and cheese and salami for lunch!

Days 13 & 14

2012-01-17T21:07:00.006-09:00

For some reason I have not been motivated to update yesterday or today. Tomorrow is my halfway mark and I feel as if I have lost some of my unction. :( All day today I felt the need to snack, which was frustrating and annoying, especially since my snacks are so limited. Then tonight my dinner wasn't very satisfying. I was very hungry shortly after. I don't want to be so negative on here, so maybe that is why I have been avoiding it.

I will say the eggplant recipe was good! I wouldn't rank it among my favorite meals, but I did go back for seconds. Unfortunately, the rest of the fam didn't care for it much and so after they all ate a little, I allowed them to eat pb&h sandwiches AND cereal! Totally opposite of what I am trying to accomplish here! Oh well, you can't win them all. Overall, the kids have played along quite well and been little troopers about the whole thing.

I'll be eating leftovers for awhile!

I did make one delicious discovery yesterday when I was actually craving chocolate, of all things! (My cravings for sweet have almost vanished, so I was surprised it had surfaced.) I decided to mix cocoa powder and nothing else into the cream from the top of a refrigerated can of coconut milk. Oh my goodness! It didn't even need to be sweetened, just creamy, chocolaty goodness. The texture was sort of between a mousse and a pudding. YUM!

I'm really hoping my mood and attitude improves and goes back to the way I was feeling last week. Maybe it's because we have had multiple nightime visits from numerous kids the last few nights. It's starting to take it's toll and I'm feeling worn down.

Day 12 - Meal Planning Day

2012-01-15T14:41:00.002-09:00

Tonight we are having the beef stew I had planned on having last night. Last night I made the chicken soup I intended for tonight. I think I'm allowed to do that, right? ;)

Here is this week's meal plan!

Monday: Eggplant/Ground Beef Marinara recipe (this popped up on Maria Mind Body Health's facebook page and then I just happened to notice eggplant on sale, so I thought, how fortuitous, we will all try something new this week! Eggplant!)

Tuesday: Orange Ginger Stir Fry Chicken

Wednesday: Slow Cooked Pork Roast (I have another recipe I usually use, but wanted to try something new!)

Thursday: Turkey? (I really want to make a turkey so I can get some snacking meat in my fridge, but if I just can't accomplish it, we will probably have salmon.)

Friday: Salsa Chicken (another slow cooker recipe - chicken covered in salsa)

Saturday: salad or leftovers (kids will be out of town with grandparents)

Not sure about Sunday yet!

I would like to note how fantastic I feel, physically, how positive my mood has been, and how much easier this challenge has been so far than I expected! I have never done anything this extreme (meaning, 30 days with not even a little niblet or taste of dark chocolate). I didn't have much faith in myself, really. But the reason I keep denying myself whenever I am tempted is because of you, whoever you are, reading this blog. I've gone public with my goal and because of that, I intend to see it through. Thanks for hanging in with me!

Day 11

2012-01-15T14:03:00.004-09:00

Saturday mornings are a bit special for me. Usually, it is the only day of the week I don't have to be "on task" first thing. So I like to be lazy. I usually get out of bed between 6:30 and 7:00 (whereas on weekdays I am up by 5:15). I like to make coffee and sit and drink it for a couple hours while messing around on the computer, sometimes just playing card games. If I get hungry, I try to eat something easy. I make the kids fend for themselves with cereal or toast on Saturday, but the rest of the week they get pretty healthy breakfasts. So today I cooked a sausage patty around 8 and then at 10 I made the most delicious omelet. (The way Matt's dad taught me when we lived there for 9 months.)

Two eggs + ingredients of choosing. Mine: mushrooms, onions, cilantro, pickled pepper rings. Mixed together and cooked like so.

YUM!

Today, for the first time on this challenge, I encountered an "oh no! I don't have anything legal to eat!" situation. I was taking the kids to the pool right after feeding them lunch. I had depleted all of my greens and leftovers! I grabbed trail mix for the car and stopped by the store to try to find some deli meat I could legally consume on the challenge. That was definitely a challenge in itself! I ended up getting some meat that didn't say "sugar" on the label, but it did have some type of "-ose" ingredient in it. It was the best I could do and I knew I needed some protein before several hours of swimming. It tasted disgusting, by the way. Super salty!

Here is the delicious soup I made for dinner using the leftovers from roast chicken night.

And here is how gorgeous it was outside today, even though it was -20 degrees and the view from my bonus room window.

Day 10 - 1/3 of challenge down!

2012-01-14T07:25:00.006-09:00

Today the sun was shining and it was glorious. It gave me energy to clean the bonus room that still had confetti on the floor from New Years and puzzles and games dumped everywhere from when Ollie sneaked up on Day 2 of trying to nap without a pacifier and wreaked that havoc.

But this evening I found myself being more tempted than usual to just have a little taste of the snack mix I had made for the kids - it just looks oh, so delicious! (Almond slices, coconut chips, and rice chex held together with a heated honey and butter mixture). I was able to be strong, but I was feeling deprived. I am usually pretty thankful when bedtime rolls around and I know I've made it through another day.

Lunch was good. It consisted of leftover salmon on a bed of spinach with avocado and cilantro, drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with sea salt.

The meat loaf dinner was delicious. Really, really yummy! I did not snap a photo. The kids all scarfed it! I can't believe how fast our family can go through 3 lbs of meat!

Here are the general ingredients I used last night. (I never make it the same twice.)

2 lbs ground moose
1 lb country sausage
almond flour
2-3 tbsp tomato paste
sea salt
pepper
garlic powder
italian seasoning
marjoram
carrots, mushrooms, onions - finely chopped in a food processor

Normally I would include an egg, but I had used the last of them that morning without thinking about dinner. It wasn't missed. I pressed the mixture into a 13x9 pan and it cooked in half the time. For the kids, I mixed ketchup and honey to dip or spread on top.

And there you have it. I will have to put my thinking cap on today to come up with next weeks' meal plan!

Day 9

2012-01-12T20:39:00.002-09:00

You know how you have everything planned and it's supposed to go just so and then something is thrown at you that you weren't planning on and it just causes everything to go askew? Yeah, that was this evening. The day started out fine. But I had my meal planned based on my day's schedule and then last night Matt told me I was going to have to take the kids to practice AND stay there the whole time. I had planned on roasting my chicken and vegetables WHILE they were at practice and I would have a lovely meal ready for them upon their arrival. Uh, no. I knew I would never have time to do it. And there was no plan B. There are no quickie meals (unless you already have one planned and prepped) in Whole30. So I threw the chicken in the crockpot before I left this morning and prepped the veggies. I was gone the entire day (which was planned until the practice, which I was supposed to be home for). Thus, the chicken was overcooked and dry and of course I still had to figure out the quickest way to cook the veggies once I walked in the door at 6:20. Ack! They ended up getting boiled/steamed in the broth/runoff from the chicken. Overall, the meal was fine. But my anxiety level today was through the roof. (I also did a lot of driving in yucky weather/road conditions with Ollie either crying or trying to tell me something I couldn't understand and getting frustrated.) I guess I am not so flexible. Ahhhh. Breathe, the day is over. ps - All I really want is a big slab of dark chocolate right now.

I believe this is day 8?

2012-01-11T20:43:00.003-09:00

I was cold all morning and I did not feel like having the salad I had planned on. I wanted something warm. I was really tempted to roast a sweet potato, but I had planned on those for dinner and I knew that would be overdoing the carbs. (Plus, as it turned out, there would not have been enough for both!) I ended up sauteing zucchini, onions, mushrooms, spinach, and cashews in olive oil and sea salt. It was delicious! But I was a little concerned with the lack of protein and possibly getting hungry again really soon.

The chipotle lime salmon for dinner was equally delicious! (But I did end up using Fiesta Chili powder in place of the chipotle.)

The whole family enjoying this Whole30 approved meal!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming...

2012-01-11T14:55:00.003-09:00

First of all, pause the song by Needtobreathe on the left hand side of the page and then listen to this song by JJ Heller.

When I am having a rough day, I tend to return to this song. I haven't really listened to it in a year. This time of year - post Christmas - always hits me hard. I am faced with the fact that it is a very long time until Summer, when I can get out and ENJOY the outdoors. The kids are starting to go crazy as well. This week I started feeling sorry for myself. I have really had a fabulous year but I let this selfishness and self-absorbtion sneak up on me. Why? Because I let myself go dry. Because I wasn't standing guard. Because Satan uses the dark every year to stop the work Christ is doing in and through me.

So, today I renew my vow to look outward and not inward. I am praying for God to show me where and who to love. I am praying He will keep me so busy loving that I will not notice the dark, cold, or how long I have to wait for summer.

A passage that I have come back to time and time again for guidance and reassurance is Isaiah 58:8-14. This passage has meant a lot to me over the last four years, as it prompted healing and huge changes in my life. Sometimes when I find myself in a place of "down and out" or in a funk, I return to this passage searching for hope or joy or instruction or anything to move me forward.

Here's what stood out today - and some parts that stand out every time.

8 - Your healing will come quickly. (I need quick healing, Lord!)

9 - Stop oppressing the helpless and stop making false accusations and spreading vicious rumors! (I usually get past this verse quickly because I have a major dislike for gossip, having been the object of it many times in the past, and am quite vigilant against it. But today, it was painfully convicting. I have not oppressed anyone that I am aware of, nor have I spread any vicious rumors, but I have participated in what I would consider gossip twice within the last week! I must remain strong in my convictions against this.)

10 - Help those in trouble. (Always praying for God to guide me to them. In general this is where my passion for MOPS comes in, because I was in some serious trouble as a mother of preschoolers and I think many moms out there are struggling.)

Then my favorite part: still verse 10 - Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as day. (I have a lot of darkness around me. LITERALLY! I recognize when I am a light in the darkness. I need that back.)

13 - Honor the Lord in everything you do, and don't follow your own desires. If you do this, the Lord will be your delight. (Yes, yes, yes!)

Scriptures taken from the New Living Translation.

If you are someone who prays, I can always use it.

Week 1 Down!

2012-01-10T20:35:00.004-09:00

I've made it through one week of the Whole30 Challenge! Today I was starving at five, which is or is close to when we usually try to eat dinner. But Carson (the almost 9 year old) has started basketball and Matt (the husband/dad) is coaching. They had practice which caused dinner to be at 6:45! So late! The afternoons have been harder to figure out what to eat when I actually feel hunger. Under normal circumstances I would run for the salami and cheese, but they are not legal on this challenge. So I had a boiled egg, 1 tbsp coconut oil, and coffee with coconut milk in it.

Then I was fine until dinner. The coconut chicken strips were AMAZING! But it isn't too surprising that I loved them since I do love coconut. I did over cook them and in the future I will try not to cook them as long. It is so hard to tell when meat is done when you can't cut into it! The family all loved it and scarfed it down! Along with the cauliflower with clarified butter. The meal was incredibly filling and satisfying with all that protein and healthy fat.

This Week's Meal Plan

2012-01-08T15:33:00.003-09:00

Monday: beef vegetable soup (I chose this for this day because I can make a lot and I am bringing dinner to a new momma!)

Tuesday: coconut chicken strips

Wednesday: chipotle lime salmon

Thursday: roast chicken and vegetables

Friday: meatloaf

Saturday: beef stew

Sunday: chicken soup (with leftovers and homemade stock, of course!)

The linked recipes are new recipes I've never tried, so I'll let you know how they turn out! The others are all in my head I've made them so often. If you want to try and need further guidance, feel free to comment and I will share how I make them.

Also, when the meal just lists a main meat dish, I usually prepare one or two veggie sides and since my family still consumes grains, I will make a rice or potato side. The rest of the family put their beef veggie soup over egg noodles, because that is a Fischer tradition handed down through the generations. :)

Breakfast plans involve eggs and sausage! If I get bored of that, I will have to figure something else out. If I get motivated, I might cut up veggies to have omlett or skillet type breakfast with my eggs and sausage. ;)

Lunches and snacks will always consist of leftovers, big ass salads, fruit (limited), nuts, seeds, coconut and coconut oil.

It's going to be a great Whole30 week!

Day Five and Still Alive!

2012-01-07T20:59:00.003-09:00

My workout today consisted of: lifting a bbq grill up onto a porch, dragging a gigantic Christmas tree halfway across the yard, and walking up a very looooong and fairly steep hill 5 or 6 times. (this was in snow for those of you lucky enough to live places where it doesn't do that)

breakfast: sausage egg bake

snack: trail mix, satsuma mandarin

lunch: leftover turkey soup (turkey, carrots, celery, seasonings in homemade stock)

snack: I also made coconut butter today! YUM YUM YUM! mixed some freshly made coconut butter, which is quite runny when first made, with almond butter and dipped apple slices in it.

dinner: Enchilada Spiced Pulled Turkey*

*admission - when I poured in my tomato sauce (because I was out of paste), I glanced at the can after and saw that there is sugar in it! I had no idea there would be sugar in my organic tomato sauce. I just assumed tomato sauce always consisted of tomatoes and whatever preservative they used in canning. bummer. Whole30 fail!

But it was delicious!

I put my turkey on a bed of lettuce topped with avocado and cilantro. I let the kids put theirs in tortillas with sour cream and shredded cheese. Hallie was the only one who didn't love it.

Making Homemade Stock

2012-01-07T20:35:00.003-09:00

Friday turned out great. I am feeling great! I am missing my scale more than my sweets!

I boiled the turkey and got my stock and enough meat for 3 meals! I've been making my own stock since we moved into this house in October of 2010. I LOVE IT. I know it's healthy. I save lots of money on broth. I am getting the most out of the food I buy.

Here is a link to a great instructional on how to make stock!

I should have taken a picture of the carcass before I boiled it, but I am just getting the hang of remembering to do these things!

Here are the bowls where I separated as much good meat as I could from everything else after the turkey carcass had boiled for several hours.

Here is the stock once all that stuff was pulled out, but before being strained.
Here are my beautiful jars of strained stock! (I kept enough out for a big batch of soup that night.) Homemade stock is so much yummier than store bought!

And here's a little picture of my salad lunch on Friday. YUM.
One last note about Friday. I had a girlfriend date and I knew I didn't want to have to face temptation and have to say no to all my favorite things involving sweetness or dairy. So we met at a billiards hall and enjoyed "playing" billiards while visiting and catching up. It was a really good time. We were both pretty terrible at billiards (me more so) but we were doing something other than eating while we caught up, which was really nice. I didn't think about food once.

Whole30 Day 4

2012-01-06T09:07:00.003-09:00

I feel like I'm getting into a groove. I am thinking less about the things I can't have and less about food in general, which makes me so happy! I don't want food consuming my thoughts.

It is now harder to not be able to step on a scale than to not have my dark chocolate. That is some crazy scale addiction right there. It is a little exciting - build the anticipation and step on that scale in 30 days. But if the results don't speak loudly enough, I might sink into a depression! (JK)

This morning I was hungry right away, so I ate breakfast earlier than I have the last few days. Then I was hungry again before nine, so I ate some of the trail mix I made yesterday with fresh coffee.

Lets talk a tiny bit about working out. I know quite a bit about it. I've read. I know what's best and recommended in the primal world. I know I need some exercise or physical activity to be healthy and transform my body into the temple I would like. (And just to be clear, I don't have any crazy notions...I am not looking for perfection here.) But I really do hate working out. I enjoy zumba and dancing in general, but toning and weightlifting, resistance type things - I can't stand them! And these are the things I really need. I have an elliptical that is like a fifth child. We purchased the hefty Nordictrack piece of equipment over 7 years ago. It was a coat rack throughout my second pregnancy. (I was too sick and tired.) Then when #2 was 6 months old, January came around and I was ready to take a plunge. That elliptical got an hour of use almost every day. With daily movement and ediets' version of SAD, I lost 40 pounds in 4 months. That was when we were living in a tiny bush village. That elliptical has moved with us 5 times. And let me tell you, it's a chore! It's not one of those tiny little fold up numbers, it's a beast! I bet it weighs a couple hundred pounds, and there is some disassembling to be done. I really do love it.

I have done lots of other videos and programs - Hip Hop Abs, Turbo Jam, Brazillian Butt Lift, Slim in 6, 10 Minute Trainer, Callenetics, Pilates, The Firm, Kettlebell Goddess, and I'm sure there are more I am forgetting! But I get bored so easily and I am not running to get to my workout because I really don't want to do it.

So, it's like this. This Fall I was basically at the point of "I have to do something!" And it wasn't even for the fitness, it was to make me a happier, nicer, more energetic person throughout the day. I get up around five every weekday morning (in order to beat the kids) and 30 minutes is what I got. I can't workout later and I can't work out longer. So even though I know my dear elliptical is not the most efficient or best choice for working out, it is what I dreaded the least and it served the purpose. I could get the endorphins pumping, serotonin level up, listen to praise music and worship God all at the same time and I would have great days. And that is what I have stuck with. Until I started taking a medication that took away any good feelings from working out and made my butt drag all day - but that's for another story. I quit working out and then I quit the med and then we had Christmas vacation and now here I am on this challenge.

So for now I am continuing my 20 minute e. sessions, but gradually trying to create variety in them. I am also adding in one toning exercise each day. Tuesday it was kettlebell ab twists, wednesday it was pushups, thursday it was the special Callenetics hip exercises, and today I did Callenetics triceps, abs (partial) and waist stretch. I hope to add more things in (so I'm doing several a day) once I have more energy and am jumping out of bed excited that it's 5 am and time to get up. :)

PS- I really love Callanetics! I found it that first time around 7 years ago and used it ever since. It's like a combo of yoga, pilates, and ballet and out of everything I've ever done, it has by far been the most effective in visibly transforming my body. This is the DVD I got, and the only one I've ever used. Eventually, I just started doing the exercises on my own without watching the video and only doing a few a day, rather than all of them. Apparently now they've updated everything! I just discovered their website today!

Callanetics: 10 Years Younger in 10 Hours was the first exercise program to be released and is America's #1-selling exercise video! Callan was waaaayy ahead of her time with this no-impact concept of exercising. People tried it and discovered it really worked. It wasn't an advertising campaign but word-of-mouth that catapulted this video to the top of the charts. This original 60-minute break-through workout has revolutionized the exercise world and to this day is still selling as strong as ever. The exercises are deceptively simple yet amazingly powerful. See why this program is already a classic.

today's meals:

breakfast: sausage egg bake

snack: paleo trail mix

I won't be posting later, so these are the plans I have for lunch and dinner.

lunch: BAS w/ avocado, egg, olives, possibly some turkey

snack: I have a bunch of grapefruit and apples, so probably one of those with trail mix or nuts (if I even need it)

dinner: today I am boiling the turkey carcass from New Year's dinner at my mom's. she sent it home with me and there was a ton of turkey left on it. I didn't have time to deal with it so I just threw the whole pan in the freezer. I will separate the meat and stock, make a pot of soup with turkey stock, turkey, carrots, celery and seasonings. Then I will freeze the extra stock and meat. I LOVE making my own stock!

Goodnight Day 3!

2012-01-05T13:53:00.004-09:00

today's meals:

breakfast: sausage egg bake

snack: handful paleo trail mix (raw pumkin and sunflower seeds, sliced almonds, coconut flakes, golden raisins, chopped dates - I did not measure amounts, but I only used 4 total dates and prob. 1/4 cup raisins, much less than I would like! LOL. Ended up with probably 4 cups total.)

lunch: 2 Italian sausage links (I prepared a package of 6 yesterday) and leftover sweet potatoes

snack: I didn't get hungry until I was driving home from grocery shopping and it was already time to prepare dinner. I ate a handful of cashews.

dinner: ground moose burger topped with mushrooms, onions, zucchini, garlic sauteed in EVOO

After dinner I had decaf coconut chai tea (the tea bag kind) with a a half tablespoon coconut oil.

It should also be noted that I consume coffee throughout the entire day. Usually black, sometimes with coconut milk. I know it's an addiction and I know it's bad for me! But it's legal on this challenge, so I am keeping this one vice for now in order to not be a total grump all the time!

Today my sweet craving was less! Yay!

OH! I almost forgot to mention my screw up today! I made some granola bars and paleo granola (with honey and butter) for the kids to have snacks on hand. They have all (including Matt) been whining about NO FOOD IN THE HOUSE! Geesh! It's not that bad! They are just addicted to their carbs! I am not going to buy that crap. But I have this issue with wasting expensive, yummy ingredients, such as the buttery, honeyey, coconut oily, vanillaey mixture that I had mixed into the paleo granola. I had scraped the measuring cup and then there was the bit on the scraper that wouldn't come off on it's own. So, as is my customary action, I scraped the scraper with my finger and shook the excess into the bowl. But that left a good deal still on my finger, since it was a pretty thick liquid. So, WITH thought, I placed my finger in my mouth and licked it off. This is my norm, and I could totally lie and say I did it without even thinking, but I totally thought about it before doing it. And then I felt really terrible for making the bad choice. So, now you all know. Technically I broke the challenge rules. I am going to continue on my challenge as if I didn't do anything at all!

dinner

lunch

You know how people take such pretty pictures of their food when they are going to post it? I'm too real for that. Just before I sat down to eat I thought, I should take a picture because this looks mmm. mmm. good! So you will always see what the table looks like when I sit down to eat and you can see that I fed the rest of my family tater tots and sloppy joes for dinner! I am so terrible and selfish!

Goodnight Day 2!

2012-01-04T20:57:00.003-09:00

A tiny bit of background: I went "Primal" in June of 2010 even though I thought it was crazy. Why on earth would anyone give up grains? God gave them to us, right? But I was willing to try something crazy after many failed attempts to lose the final 10 pounds of excess weight after baby number four. And I absolutely did not want to count another calorie! I shed 10 pounds almost effortlessly. I was smitten with eating fat, feeling satisfied, and never worrying about how much I ate, but what. Plus, I was allowed dark chocolate and treats made with almond flour, coconut, honey. Mmmm.

Fast forward to Christmas, minor setback as the 20 of the 80/20 became much more than that with family gatherings and traditional foods and no will-power over my sweet tooth. I did my best to recover after that first Christmas, but I have not ever been at my Primal best since then and so after another 2 weeks of gluttony this Christmas, a whole year later, I decided I needed to be extreme! Enter the Whole30 Challenge!

food today:

breakfast - sausage patty; eggs

snack - grapefruit, walnuts

lunch - salad (similar to yesterday's but smaller); Italian sausage link

snack - satsuma mandarin, second Italian sausage link

dinner - smothered pork chops (see link to recipe in meat post! they were good!); green beans, sweet potatoes

dessert - one date, tea with coconut milk.

I am still struggling with my post-meal sweet cravings! And even though it's technically "legal", I don't feel good about eating a date after a meal in order to satisfy my sweet tooth! If I don't stop that, I will not stop this sugar addiction.

Meat!

2012-01-04T09:49:00.004-09:00

Oh boy, do I love the sight of A LOT of meat all at once! There is something so comforting about opening up the freezer and seeing it FULL of meat! And not ice cream, chicken nuggets, corn dogs, etc, etc. I stocked up on meat and produce at IGA yesterday. I have decided it is totally worth the drive over to Kenai and the difficulty with kids to go there. This was my meat take. This, along with the moose burger, salmon, turkey carcass, and full turkey in our freezer should provide for some healthy meals for more than a month!

I can't wait to try this recipe I found for the pork chops tonight!

http://paleocomfortfoods.com/in-the-kitchen/another-big-week-of-giveaways-our-prize-winners-and-smothered-pork-chops/

Goodnight Day 1

2012-01-03T21:18:00.002-09:00

I made it through a whole day without dark chocolate! But I sincerely missed it, especially after dinner. I have been trained my entire life to end a meal with something sweet! :(

breakfast: eggs cooked in olive oil with the yummy seasoned salt I bought at Gaylord Opreyland in Nashville
lunch: BAS (big ass salad) with green and black olives, boiled egg, avocado, cilantro, olive oil and seasoned salt
snack (at variable times): walnuts, one date, coconut flakes, tea with coconut oil, 2 tiny satsuma mandarins
dinner: slow cooked pork shoulder roast with garlic, g.salt, lime juice, avocado, cilantro, cumin; yellow squash cooked in olive oil and seasoned salt, peas

I'm afraid I'm going to run out of my current supply of EVOO and special seasoned salt very quickly! Everything I ate today was delicious and I said NO to all the food at MOPS! Yay for me!

Starting Tomorrow!

2012-01-02T09:19:00.000-09:00

New Year's Resolutions OR 2012 Goals?

2012-01-01T20:53:00.006-09:00

I have always had a sort of negative perception of new year's resolutions. It just seemed so silly to me to make these "resolutions" that seemed flippant, would be forgotten in a week, or that were the same every single year. I honestly can't remember the last time I actually participated in this tradition.

Prior to Christmas I was talking with a friend about goals for the new year. I automatically stated that I never make new year's resolutions because I hate to fail. And I realized what I had said and the truth behind it. I don't set specific goals at specific times and make them public, because I hate eating my words, and failing to attain a goal that I shared with others feels a lot like eating my words. I realized, before my friend could point it out, as she did, that not ever setting goals for fear of failure is a sure way to never accomplish anything, be lazy, and have no drive.

So this year I've decided to take the plunge! Of course, once I decided to set some goals for 2012, I had to go overboard and set too many! Sheesh, will I ever learn?! :)

Some of my goals have tangible ways to "check-off" that they were completed. And some I still have to figure out how I will manage to keep track of whether or not they are attained. But I need to post them now before I use the excuse of "it's too late" to not do it! (And now I just got this idea brewing to do a monthly goal type thing. Welp, too late now! That can be a future project, I guess.)

So, without further ado (but with some further explaination;)

2012 Goals

Mind:

Read 5 books from start to finish – two of which must be nonfiction. (this does not include devotionals, periodicals, Bible studies, commentaries, etc.)

Write 2 times a month, one of which will be a blog post.

Body:

Complete the Whole30 Challenge (I am starting this challenge on the 3rd! This is by far the scariest goal I am taking on and the one I fear failure of the most! But hey, it's only 30 days, right? About a year and a half ago I adopted the Primal way of eating and it was the best thing for me! I shed excess weight without effort and maintained without ever feeling deprived. But, little by little, I was adding in things by eating a little here and a little there until it became a lot all the time! I need this fresh start, but I have never given up dark chocolate and butter! AHHH!)

Abstain from grains and refined sugar except for special social occasions. (This is a refresher/reminder goal since I have basically fallen off the wagon during the last month.)

Exercise regularly. ( This goal is too generic, but until I adopt a shorter term goal system, I cannot post anything more definitive!)

Spirit:

Pray daily. (This is a weakness of mine that I would like to improve upon.)

Family:

Make a budget that works and stick to it. (Ugh! Why is this so difficult? Our income and payout has fluctuated for over a year, and now we are in the process of refinancing. But I am determined to accomplish this within 2012. When I do, I will let you know so you can celebrate with me!)

Make sure kids’ teeth get brushed each day. (I know, so ridic. But it's GOT to be done! UGH!)

One on one date once a month with one of the kids (rotation). (I absolutely LOVE one on one time with my kiddos! And we both really need it. So, I will be trying to create some sort of schedule.)

Okay, I had to stop myself. I feel like I could go on making goals for myself forever, because there are really so many things I would like to do/change/accomplish.....you know! I decided I need to attempt to make my goals attainable, while being a stretch, which I believe these are!

So So, 2012, you are on!

You are my sunshine...

2011-12-08T13:01:00.004-09:00

Something really cool just happened.

It's no secret that I struggle with our winters. That is where God has me right now. I am transparent. I used to wear masks and will no longer do so. I pray, pray, pray that God will use me, somehow, to bring him glory.

So for me, without exception, sun=happy. No sun = no happy, no energy, no motivation, the list goes on. I never used to be such a wimp, but I seem to have no control over the fact that each year the affect on me worsens.

Before you come to me with all your suggested solutions, please know that I have tried/am trying everything. Even prescription medication. I will continue to seek God's direction as I pursue an answer. That is not the point of this post.

This morning was really rough on me. I don't know why. Other than the fact that I haven't followed my morning routine of working out. I have been struggling to get out of bed. Then I've been getting sidetracked by the computer instead of taking care of morning chores and my children. Then I am frazzled when it's time to leave for the bus and inevitably yelling ensues before everyone is actually in the car. So that makes me feel yucky.

And I have been reading post after post of these amazing Godly women (who also happen to be amazing writers) and how they "do" Christmas in their family. And basically it's been making me feel like a really bad person. I am now struggling with what is the right thing to do in our home, with my family.

So all morning I am feeling yucky - in my mind, heart, and body. There is no sun. I haven't worked out. I am eating like crap. I am a terrible person.

I have no peace. I realize I cannot have peace because I have not been in the presence of God. For DAYS. It's kind of like working out - the longer you go not doing it, the easier it is to continue not doing it (or the harder to get back in the habit). I have been feeling ashamed about it (every time the alarm on my phone goes off that is the time I "scheduled" to be with God each day) and afraid to face him.

I make the kids lunch (this is big) and consciously make the decision to sit and interact with them while they are eating rather than wait it out reading facebook or another important blog. Then I think I might feel better about myself if I read to them before Oliver's nap. So we read 3 books. Then I walk with Ollie up to bed and he asks me to lay down with him. I do (a task I usually avoid). He fell asleep right before my very eyes. Within a couple of minutes. It was beautiful. Then I come down and I don't hear Hallie, so I assume she is in the basement playing. But then I hear her on the couch and I ask her what she is doing and she says she is going to take a nap. She is asleep in less than 5 minutes. God put my children to sleep, my friends. (The dog also went to sleep, by the way.) I turn off the Christmas music and there is complete silence. Another form of peace.

So, I get out my Bible and Bible study and guess what the topic for this day was? God's peace. Here's one verse that really stood out:

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Then I am spending a lot of time apologizing and begging God to "take me back", basically. There are many tears spilled as I am crying out to God, asking him to allow me into his presence, pleading with him to wash over me and show me how to live in this place and be in the center of his will. And I am just sitting there, at the table with my Bible, unsure what to do, but unwilling to move on without something more.

And that's when it happened. The clouds parted in this one little spot and the glorious sunshine broke through and landed right on me at that table. Everywhere else is gray and clouds, but at that moment there is sunlight, streaming through, right onto me. And then, let me tell you, the floodgates opened and the tears were full on sobbing. Why does God love me so? I am so undeserving.

God has restored my peace. And I have GOT to stop comparing myself to other people and focus on what God wants. And most importantly, I have got to remain in His presence if I want His peace.

I love you, friends.

xoxo

Amber

Straight Talk About Santa

2011-11-29T09:36:00.003-09:00

Well, I did it. The day I have been dreading has come to pass.

I told Carson straight out, "there is no Santa." I also said, "the presents; they're from us. the tree; we put it up."

Where to start on this post? I am so torn on this issue! Sometimes I just want to say FORGET SANTA! But then I remember all the wonderful memories from my childhood. And I think about the joy and excitement I see in Matt when he puts up Santa's tree and then waits in anticipation for the kids to see it. It is a "magical", wonderful time for our family.

Matt and I grew up knowing the true reason for Christmas. More emphasis was always put on the birth of Jesus and why he came than on Santa. My kids know WHO Christmas is about. JESUS. But should we remove Santa from the picture? I struggle with this question.

We do not have to take the same path in our lives as our parents. We do not have to take the same approach to holidays with our children, how we worship God, discipline, educate, or ANYTHING as the one our parents took when raising us. We can CHOOSE differently. But what is right? What is most important? What is best for our children? What will grow them towards being Godly young people with immense LOVE for all of mankind? That is what I am trying to determine here.

I feel good about where we are at. My parents NEVER had a straight talk with me about Santa. I wish they had. I am embarrassed to think about how long I believed in him. Of course I guessed it, but I think I might have been in denial for a long time. My mom always said "as long as we believe in Santa, he will keep coming." Meaning, we just say we believe, even if we don't, and whoever is bringing the presents will keep bringing them! So that was the extent of our conversation. I never knew the history of Santa.

For the longest time early in our marriage, I wanted to take that approach with my kids. I really hated the idea of saying the words "Santa is not real". But I know my kids. And they are not me. And I am glad I did it.

Carson, he is great. He is the best. How bittersweet for me that my little boy is becoming a young man already. He handled the news well. I was so worried and dreading that conversation because his reactions can be a bit strong. He has a history of meltdowns when dealing with disappointment. And I also didn't want him to be hurt. My hope was that he would accept the news well and know that everything we do and say is in love and with only the best intentions. If he thought of us as liars, that would be terrible! I tried really hard to be sloppy, even last year, so he could figure it out on his own or at least ask the question to open that conversation! But he was really hanging on and we were risking him being the only third grader in his class who didn't know. I think he is actually relieved to know the truth and not have to wonder or guess or try to figure it out anymore. I can understand that!

He now gets to be an "elf" and help with Santa's tree. I hope he can enjoy the special role of being "in the know" without spoiling it for the others. :)

Here is my big boy two Christmases ago. We found him asleep in front of Santa's tree in the morning with a very convincing story that he had seen Santa. <3

Feel free to comment with your opinion. I'm a big girl now, and I can take it. :)

Blog Post About My Hair

2011-11-03T01:49:00.003-08:00

Have you ever experienced insomnia? I do, fairly regularly, usually preceding that special visitor us ladies get each month. Like right now, it's 1:56 AM. I went to bed at 10:10 PM. I believe I slept a bit at first, but next thing I knew I was looking at the clock and it was eleven something...and I've been awake ever since. This is night two of this, so you can imagine my disappointment at not being able to sleep. I keep experiencing these giant, deep, soul trembling yawns...yet sleep eludes me. What I experience during these episodes is something I call "crazy mind". I mean, it jumps all over the place. I have about 20 things going through it simultaneously, one of which is ALWAYS a song. I try to clear my mind. I try to focus on one thing. I try praying.

But this post is about my hair. One of the things that has been OBSESSIVELY going through my mind while lying in bed tonight is the fact that the back of my hair just at the base of my head is too long. And now it's driving me nuts. I don't think I can stop thinking about it until I get it fixed. But I just had my hair cut a week ago! And I really don't want to call the salon. I am certain that by now I have earned the reputation at the salon as the girl who just can't be pleased. This hair has been through quite the transformation over the last 6 months. So let me just tell you the story of my hair.

First of all, I hate my hair. It really requires a lot of effort to look decent. I used to be quite "low maintenance", as my hubby puts it. As for my hair, it usually ended up in a ponytail and I was quite comfortable with that. But then I cut it shorter. It looked pretty cute in an a-line, but I would have to straighten it to keep it from being puffy with one rogue wave. Now I am going to fast forward to post-childnumberfour, Ollie. Actually, it was during his pregnancy. My hair turned curly in the back underneath. Well, I liked the idea of the curls, but my hair just became a lot of work, because no matter what, I had to either curl or straighten my hair for it to look good. Then, one day I went in to get my hair cut and the girl who was doing my hair had gotten a perm. She had short hair and it looked really cute. I had been planning, dreaming, and scheming about growing my hair longer again and getting a wavy perm in hopes of returning to low-maintenance girl and not having to curl or straighten. But my hair grows extremely slow and how many times had I given up on growing because I just couldn't stand it at that in-between stage? So, I decided to get a perm. And so the perm saga began. And a mullet I just can't seem to get rid of.

The first perm was great. But it fell out in less than two weeks. The cut, shorter layers on top than I had ever had. (Still trying to grow out those layers while cutting the back shorter and shorter. I have determined, without a doubt, that good or bad, I prefer my hair shorter in the back than the front.) I was leaving on vacation and needed it fixed, pronto! So, a different girl re-permed my hair in the wee hours of the morning. That turned out so much worse than the first one. Terrible! But I had to go on vacation and that is when I learned to use my curling iron. When we got home, I got another perm (with girl number 3), which turned out well. (Except that it was only the top and by that time the bottom had lost it's curl as well, but I didn't have the guts to speak up about it.) But she cut the top even shorter! AAAAHHH! The mullet was becoming more pronounced. I went back and had it cut again in the back. I learned that I must always use the curling iron to make it look good. I get to the point that I feel it is safe to ask for another perm and request that we start working towards this goal of shorter back and longer front. Sort of a-line with stacked back, but still curly. Love my hair for two weeks. Realize the back needs to be shorter. Go back in. Improved, but still not short enough. For some reason, even though I think I know what I want and have been improving in my communication, I still can't seem to get across exactly what I am looking for! I have been in the salon more in the last 6 months than in the last 6 years, I am certain!

And I dread calling them in the morning. But if I don't, this tiny issue with my hair will take over my mind until I get it fixed. So, thank you for all of your compliments. I really do love my hair when I make it curly. But it's a lot of work. And I long to be low-maintenance girl once again!

I blog, therefore I am.

2011-10-08T20:39:00.006-08:00

This post is dedicated to my friend Heather, with love.

I am so perfect. I mean, you probably already know this from reading the amazing blog entries I post everyday, highlighting the amazing things I do in my home, with my children and husband, as well as all of my volunteer activities.

Because I am such a perfect parent, my children are nothing if not perfect! They are completely respectful to me all the time and cheerfully take care of their household responsibilities before asking me if there is anything else they can do to help. They never bicker or whine, heavens no! I never hear crying and the word bored is not even in their vocabularies.

My home is a sanctuary of peace and order. It is clean, man is it clean! You will not find a handprint anywhere, nor a speck of dust. Cobwebs and spiders crawling about are unheard of. My floors are spotless and all bed linens cleaned weekly. My home always smells delightful.

We grow, raise, harvest, pasture, and butcher all our food. We do not consume anything processed, not a darn thing! You will never catch my children eating candy! I bake fresh bread daily and have a 6 month meal planner in which not a single meal is repeated. My husband and children love everything I prepare for them and smile ever so sweetly, thanking me for the meals I prepare. My kitchen is my haven.

My home does keep me busy, but I would be nothing without my outside volunteer activities. They complete me. And my children, since they are so amazing, must participate in every sport and afterschool enrichment activity offered. They are active at church and in various scouting organizations, as well as the music and dance lessons they participate in.

I know you already knew how amazing I am. But maybe you should tell your friends. Because I love my eleven followers, I do. But I can't help but feel that even more people could benefit from reading my blog.

Legoland.

2011-08-28T14:05:00.000-08:00

I am covering some of our vacation using pictures from my mom's camera! We still haven't gotten our hard drive back, but my mom took some great pictures on our trip and she gave me her card to put them on my computer. Our vacation/wedding trip was in early June. We arrived in San Diego around midnight and the next day we found a local donut shop, which was awesome, Coronodo Beach, which was freezing and windy, and Mike and Kate Fischer's house, which was beautiful and featured a heated pool! On day 2, we went to Legoland. It was fun! The only bummer was that I really wanted to spend some time at the waterpark part of Legoland and let the kids really experience an outdoor park, but it was really too cold with the wind and the kids did not want to stay at that part.

Frontier Airlines

2011-08-09T16:30:00.001-08:00

This is just a little shout out to the Frontier Airlines crew of flight 888 on Sunday August 7, from Denver to Anchorage. This was my first time flying on Frontier, the second leg of my trip home from Nashville. I was beyond impressed with this airline and crew. I chose the flight because it was the cheapest on my search. I have flown a lot with Alaska Airlines (because we get miles) and Delta, and that's about it. The flight attendants were fun, hilarious, and interactive. I have never laughed out loud on an airplane that I can recall, or spent so much time interacting with the other passengers in my row. I also enjoyed the warm cookies served on each flight. You can be sure that when I am going to purchase tickets with money and not miles, I will be looking for flights on Frontier.

Maggie May!

2011-07-18T21:01:00.000-08:00

After 10 years of pushing and prodding, I finally gave in to a dog. Honestly, I always knew we would get one someday, but my reluctance was due to the fact that dogs complicate life. More than kids. You can take kids with you pretty much wherever you go. Dogs are not welcome most public places. Dogs make it more difficult to travel because you have to find a person or place to care for them while you are gone. Dogs shed. Dogs have to be let out to go potty. And, I KNEW, I could not be a dog owner who keeps the dog outside. A pet is part of the family. What IS the point of owning a dog if it spends all it's time away from the family? I needed to be really ready.

So, I gave in on the condition that I got to pick the breed and the name. I think I found a winner with little miss Maggie.

It's a new era for this family. :)

The MOPS Update

2011-06-29T09:55:00.003-08:00

So, last year I took a "year off" from coordinating classic mops. One of the things I've learned since then is that when I follow God's leading, it doesn't mean that later he won't lead me right back to where I was! When I first realized I was going to be back into the coordinator role at College Heights this coming year, I was a little embarrassed to share the news. I felt like I kinda made a big deal about leaving in the first place. Because I figured it was forever! And I was sad about it, but excited to go with God wherever he took me. Silly me to think I know what God's got in mind!

It was a good year for me to not be coordinating. Refreshing. Plus, I would have had a mental breakdown, I think, trying to coordinate and build our house, while living with my inlaws. :) I am thankful God had someone there to keep it going during my hiatus. And this time, I am not trying to predict the future! One year at a time. I will continue to rely upon God to enable me to do all he has set out for me.

I wasn't latent, mind you. I was still coordinating Teen MOPS. Teen MOPS has been such a blessing! Rewarding, stretching, growing. There is such a need. Oftentimes, young moms don't see their need, or are too stubborn to address it. No matter what our age, we ALL need to be connected when parenting young children! I pray there is someone in our community with passion, drive, and initiative, willing to lead Teen MOPS. I don't want to see it die. But I can't do it all.

I've also served a full year as a Field Leader for Mops International! From the first general session at my very first Convention in Dallas, before our MOPS group had even started and I had ever been to one MOPS meeting, I knew when I saw the girls walking around in the brightly colored polos that I would someday be one of them. I just didn't think it would be so soon! I absolutely love being a field leader. Although, because we were in the situation we were, building our house, I have not yet lived up to my potential in that role. I feel like I was just getting started this spring, once we were all settled. We did have our first ever community event in Anchorage and Leadership Summit there as well and I am just thrilled to start connecting these leaders and groups together in our vast state, as well as offer support and encouragement to them in their leadership roles.

So, there you have it! We are gearing up for a new MOPS year at College Heights and I find myself at the helm again! With God as my compass, of course. I am so excited! I am excited to be working with new leaders, excited to meet new moms and see who God will send to our group. I am excited to be stretched and grown more and more. I am excited to serve. I know I am at my best when I am serving others, when God is loving moms through me.

The Non-Update Update

2011-06-29T08:53:00.002-08:00

Wow! I can't believe it's been so long since I posted! I sort of have this love-hate relationship with Facebook because you can easily and quickly post lots of pictures on there and I know more people are looking at them. But then it makes me less inclined to post on here. I really love how my blog allows me to express myself more fully...it's an outlet I need.

We made it through spring and breakup! The BIG event for our family was going to California and Arizona just after school let out. I would like to share more with you about that trip with pictures included, but just after we got home and I put all my pics and TONS of video on my computer, the hard drive crashed! I should also add that I had erased them from the card, because that's what I do.

Thankfully, we do have an amazingly technologically inclined friend who has found a way to get them off the old hard drive! I am so thankful! But I just haven't gotten them back yet, so you'll have to wait to hear all about our wonderful trip.

The trip was wonderful, but coming home wasn't. After a week in Arizona, waking up to clear, blue skies and sunshine and 95 degrees everyday, we returned to clouds and rain for a week straight. It was a very hard adjustment for me. If it had been more gradual, I think that would have been easier, but I suffered a week of mini-depression, that I will tell you. I remember the day I woke up and opened the curtains to the gray and instead of having the immediate physical and emotional reaction of depression, as I had been, I thought, "this is okay. I can live with this."

So now summer's on! The weather still hasn't been great. I am praying for some nice days. I want to do some camping and hiking. We got our lawn planted and it is starting to grow! I still have a lot of indoor projects that need completed, but I have lost the motivation there. We are itching to get a puppy....

Easter Fun

2011-04-25T16:04:00.000-08:00

Easter Photoshoot

2011-04-25T15:29:00.000-08:00

Spring Refreshment

2011-04-03T17:49:00.007-08:00

Maybe you identify with a t-shirt slogan I saw on a group of moms at MOPS Convention. It said:

SUPER WIFE.

SUPER MOM.

SUPER TIRED.

It certainly gave me a chuckle. I don’t know about the super wife and super mom part, but there are definitely times that I feel SUPER TIRED as a mom of young children! Jesus said, in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” I have been weary and burdened, how about you?

Sometimes, when I’m in a place of feeling weary and burdened, I can almost visualize myself in a dry, desolate desert, trudging though the sand, and all I see on the horizon is dune after dune of the same dusty brown sand. Or it might literally look like diaper after diaper of the same smelly poop. Load after load of the same laundry each week. Load after load of the same dishes. It can certainly make one weary. If we come to Him, he will give us rest! Sometimes, we just need to rest in His arms. “Every moment of every season is an opportunity for spiritual growth.”(Alicia Britt Chole, Intimate Conversations) Even seasons of rest.

After I’ve spent some time resting, I’m thirsty! I’m thirsty for LIFE! And guess what, Jesus had something to say about our thirst as well. He said, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.” (John 7:37) As the springtime sun pours forth, my soul is awakened! I begin seeking the Lord with renewed vigor. Like a flower bulb, I have been dormant, resting in my Father’s arms. Once my restoration is complete, I experience refreshment. I am overflowing with energy and joy!

Maybe you are feeling weary or burdened. Maybe you hunger or thirst for something beyond physical food and drink. There is new life to be found in Jesus! Let Him restore you. Let Him refresh you.

Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord. Acts 3:19-20a (New Living Translation)

weary: physically or mentally exhausted by hard work, exertion, strain; characterized by or causing impatience or dissatisfaction; tedious

burden: that which is carried; a load; that which is borne with difficulty; obligation

hunger: a strong or compelling desire or craving

thirst: strong or eager desire; craving

restore: to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish; to bring back to a former, original, or normal condition; to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor

refresh: to provide new vigor and energy; to stimulate; to make fresh again; reinvigorate or cheer

Waiting for Spring

2011-03-26T18:36:00.002-08:00

Lego World

2011-03-26T18:31:00.000-08:00

Carson can get pretty creative with his legos when he's not reading Harry Potter. I can't wait to see how he likes Legoland when we visit California!

Winter Times

2011-03-26T18:25:00.000-08:00

Ollie likes to squeeze in small places.

Grandpa and the boys making chili on Super Bowl Sunday.

Super Bowl Sunday sledding fun with Aunt Britt and Zack (not pictured)!

Ollie enjoys something yummy.

Carson's Room

2011-03-11T10:46:00.000-09:00

Carson picked out his colors and put on the stickers himself. The beanbag in the corner is where we find him spending all his spare time lately.

The top bunk quilt is from his previous theme - construction zone. Bottom bunk quilt I found at Target (my favorite store). The brown and orange are nice accents that keep the blue "sky" of his wall from being too overwhelming.

In the last two weeks Carson has read (along with Jim Dale on CD) the first 3 and a half Harry Potter books! Matt and I have read and listened to all of the books. If you've never read them and you have time to listen in the car, his reading is awesome.

Panama City Beach, Florida

2011-03-11T09:30:00.004-09:00

"I was dancing before the Lord...I am willing to act like a fool in order to show my joy in the Lord." 2Samuel 6:21

It's hard to explain, but my time in Florida turned out to be a much needed spiritual retreat. It was so wonderful, I find myself longing for the next opportunity to meet with the Lord at my favorite creation of His, the shore.

Lego Star Wars Birthday

2011-02-05T21:17:00.001-09:00

Carson's birthday is on Monday. I can't believe I'll have been a mom for 8 years!
Birthday parties used to really stress me out. I think I am improving in that area. They are getting much more fun as the kids get older. And I really do want them to have a special time to remember. Carson's been into legos and Star Wars lately and got the Wii game "Lego Star Wars" for Christmas, so we based our theme on that. It's nice that his guest list was small. That eases the stress a great deal. I was quite proud of my cake utilizing the marshmallow fondant (although I need a lot more practice working with that), my prezel rod light saber snacks, and our Jedi training activities resulting in presentation of a light saber, which I made out of pipe insulation and duct tape. A very fun time!

Music!

2011-01-29T09:43:00.002-09:00

I have been thinking about putting music on my blog forever, but it wasn't until I discovered this group that I decided I actually was going to take the time to figure it out. This group, Need To Breathe, isn't new. I wish I had discovered them long ago. I've only heard their most recent album, The Outsiders, but every song on it is awesome! The one playing is called "Something Beautiful".

Rewind: Seward Sealife Center

2011-01-29T08:22:00.003-09:00

Last year my mom gave us a gift certificate for the Sealife Center that expired at the end of the year. So, we headed to Seward the week after Christmas with Aunt Katy and Uncle Jesse. In conjunction with visiting the center, we were picking up a large fiberglass tank/pool that they had listed on freecycle, so Matt could realize his childhood dream of having a swimming pool in his backyard. When I say large, I mean GARGANTUOUS. But more on that later, I'm sure. :) Other than the fact that Katy was sicker than a dog, the guys were outside disassembling the pool the entire time and didn't get to share the fun, and after awhile the 4 kids were a bit much so we had to walk up the street in search of lunch, it was a good time. Their reaction to all the sealife was great! I would like to shout out a huge thanks to Katy and Jesse for helping on this trip. I know it wasn't what you expected or thought you were getting yourself into, but I seriously wouldn't have survived without you! We all love you so much!!!

my children keep me humble

2011-01-26T13:03:00.003-09:00

Hallie (4) has been begging me for days to make cookies with frosting and sprinkles. I have been putting her off. There are many reasons why I didn't want to make these cookies, but today, especially, I DID NOT want to make them. But fed up with the whining, I reluctantly and rather unkindly gave in. Imagine me tearing around the kitchen, throwing stuff out, trying to get through the task quickly. The idea is to make it known how unhappy I am to be doing this small act. She is oblivious to my feelings. I am wasting away a time that could be joyful with my daughter.

As I spend this time in the kitchen with her and realize she is happy to be with me, no matter how mean I am, my spirit begins to soften. I am making her day...her week, actually. She is not even asking me to make frosting, the part I loathe. She is happy to use some very old store bought tubed writing frosting. I tell her I think it tastes yucky. She says, it's okay. She begins putting it on a cookies. She tastes it and decides it does taste yucky. Here is my full turning point. I ask her if she would like me to make some pink frosting. I am making a simpler frosting, not my best work. She is sitting slightly behind and to the side of me watching. She leans in and quietly and sweetly says, "Mom, you are the best mom ever." And my heart is melted and crushed at the same time. Because I am the worst mom ever.

So today, my workout that I didn't get in this morning due to a sleepless night will have to wait, my bathroom cleaning will have to wait, the doorknobs I was planning to install downstairs will have to wait, the 3 Bible study homeworks I am behind and must do for tomorrow will have to wait. I am going to play with my girl.

New Video Round-Up

2011-01-23T09:13:00.002-09:00

I am so behind in my blogging! This is where I have to figure out if I just skip ahead or try to catch up. I usually try to catch up because I'm a bit OCD like that! Yesterday I uploaded some recent videos and I was looking at YouTube and realized that there are some videos I uploaded that I hadn't ever posted. So, here are a couple from Christmas and a couple from earlier in the Fall.

Rewind: Montana's Surgery

2011-01-12T14:47:00.002-09:00

I'm so happy I found this post. I wrote it a long time ago and thought it was lost forever!

Okay, so I really wanted to get this cute pic off my phone before I shared about this event with you. During a routine dental check-up in the fall (her first one ever, I might add), our dentist noticed in Montana's x-rays that her molars weren't descending at equal rates on either side and that it looked like there was a mass blocking one from growing in appropriately. (He did not inform me of this at the time.) I was at the office with all 4 kids that day and it was a bit stressful getting them rounded up and out after an older patient leaving called the office to tell them that there was a little girl standing out in the parking lot barefoot (Hallie), causing some unnecessary office lady excitement, because I knew she was there, and had, in fact told her to go stand out there to eat a particularly messy cookie. But I digress. What I am trying to get at is that they said, "Dr. Wortham wants to send these out to a radiologist to have read and we'll get back to you." I was so frazzled at that point, that I really didn't digest what they were saying and replied "Okay" and got my brood out of there.

Two weeks later I get a call, "Dr. Wortham would like to schedule an appointment with you to discuss the results of Montana's radiographs." Begin freaking out now. I could not even remember that they had said they were sending out the x-rays. (It was a crazy fall.) Thankfully, I was able to get in right away, but it was nervewracking wondering what was wrong with my daughter that we were completely unaware of! In an effort to shorten this story, he showed me her pictures and I could clearly see the cyst and he referred us to an oral surgeon. The oral surgeon, Dr. Bergeron, was a very large dude, with a very loud, deep voice. A bit scary on first meeting. But he won over sweet Montana's heart! He examined and explained that although there was no way to know exactly what type of cyst it was at this point, it needed to come out and the sooner the better.

So, one month later, in early November, Montana and I were on our way to Anchorage for two days. Day one, shopping and pre-op appointment at Oral Surgery Associates of Alaska. Day two, a bit more shopping and oral surgery at Alaska Regional Hospital. And this is the part of the story that I really want to tell you about. It was the most wonderful 2 days of my entire year. I spent wonderful one on one time with my "middle" child. It was fun and special, shopping with her, staying in a hotel with her eating junk food and watching Disney channel as late as she could stay awake, going to Chuck E Cheeses with her, and listening to her talk her little heart out. And she was such a champ. She had to fast from the time she woke until surgery at 1:00 pm! (I managed to fast with her, except I did give in and get a breve when we checked in at the hospital.) She bought herself a cute messenger bag she just couldn't resist at Office Max and she carried it with her writing supplies and made a list of all the "Things She Didn't Expect at the Hospital". She got teary when the pre-op nurse explained what was going to happen, but then the little personal TV on an arm with PBS (which she is watching in the pic) took her mind off of it. Then they gave her the "happy medicine", the thing I am most thankful for, and she got silly. Hallucinating and whatnot. They wheeler her away happy and her recovery was a breeze.

When we got the results of the cyst, we learned that it is a VERY rare type of cyst. I still am unsure of how it would have affected life if it had not been removed, but all I want to say is that all the people we came into contact with at Oral Surgery Associates and Alaska Regional were top notch. It was a wonderful experience all around as far as medical things go.

And I know that having to go through this with my child should have been stressful and terrifying, etc. But I was truly sad when the whole experience was over. I loved my two days alone with Montana.

The end.

Laundry Room!

2011-01-12T13:34:00.001-09:00

This project was pretty much completed over Christmas break (trim and window sill excluded). But today I finally put everything away and cleaned the aftermath of construction. And I sealed the tile grout, which is a huge accomplishment! Yay for me! I wanted a bright a cheery atmosphere in the laundry room to make this chore more enjoyable. I think it turned out lovely! The other wall is bare, I keep up the ironing board there. Thinking about putting up a cute vinyl expression there in the future.

SNEAK PEEK: master bath tub
This is the condition of it today and the rest of the bathroom is still majorly under construction. But I finally got to put my vision into concrete last weekend with this tub top and I really do love how it turned out. I was nervous! There's just no knowing what something will look like -- if it will look good or not -- when you've never seen it done before. Now I know these rocks have been used probably in similar situations, but I just haven't seen it and particularly not with the sea glass. I love how it turned out!

Just had to share.

2011-01-06T14:09:00.003-09:00

I realize that I probably struck a nerve with many homeschoolers with my last post. I would like to clear up that I don't think homeschooling is the wrong choice for everyone and I do my best not to judge people based on their decision to do so. But I often feel judged for sending my children to public school...and a regular old public school at that, not even attempting to get them into charter school lotteries. So, I wanted to share why I do it. Our decision was not made without seeking the Lord's guidance. And I can't say there won't come a time in the future when we feel led otherwise.

That being said, I just had to share this email I got from Carson's teacher today!

I was reading your post the other day about salt and light and why Christians need to send your child to public school. I wanted to share about your little evangelist. Here’s what happened on Monday:
Carson: “Hey ?, guess what I did yesterday?”
student: “What?”
Carson: “I was baptized”
student: “What is baptized?”
Carson: “What is baptized?! Baptized is only the coolest thing ever!!!” and then he goes on to explain and then asked the class who in here has been baptized? Some responded and others questioned what he was talking about. He explained and some continued on with where they went to church, etc.
I just wanted to share with you that Carson is becoming the salt and light for God’s glory. He has not only displayed that in this situation, but when we had Bethlehem revisited by passing out cards and inviting each teacher. God is good and it has been a pleasure to watch him growJ
Have a great day!

And this would be the appropriate place to put a picture of Carson getting baptized...except my mom still has my camera!

Why Christians should send their kids to public school...

2011-01-05T12:12:00.003-09:00

This woman expresses exactly how I feel very nicely. (click the post title to read her article)

Public school is not evil. My children will be SALT and LIGHT in the public school. They will be IN the world, not OF it. I am so excited to see how God will use my children in public school to bring glory to His name!

Christmas outfit photoshoot

2011-01-04T16:34:00.001-09:00

I thought the kids looked really spiffy this year! I did not attempt to get one with all of us this time. Besides, I've worn the same Christmas outfit like the last three years!

Happy 4th Birthday, Hallie

2011-01-04T15:36:00.000-09:00

I did manage to make a cake for Hallie on Dec. 19th this year and I even let her open a gift (because I had an extra item among the Christmas goodies for her)! I think she felt special, which was the goal. I can't believe she is 4!

Breakfast "with" Santa

2011-01-04T15:28:00.000-09:00

This event was a fundraiser for the PTA at the kids' school. We were disappointed that Santa ended up being behind a curtain and we had to wait in a long line to see him. I had hoped for a less structured way for the kids to interact with him while we were eating breakfast. Oh well, we haven't seen him the last couple of years and I am okay not seeing him again.

Gingerbread Mania!

2011-01-04T15:18:00.000-09:00

We had so much fun the day the Morris clan (Kc, Paul, Eliza, JD) and Sheldon clan (Carol, Zoe, Eve, George) came over to decorate gingerbread houses! I really don't love gingerbread houses or the process of assembling and decorating them. But I knew it would be more bearable for me with friends to suffer along with! And it was!

Back to the Manger

2011-01-04T14:53:00.000-09:00

All four kids particiapted in the Children's Christmas musical at church, directed by my mom. I wish I had some good video to put on, but even if I spent the time to upload what I have, you would go crazy waiting to hear my kids sing. Montana had a short little solo of the first verse in Away in a Manger and she did awesome. I was also very proud of Carson...it takes him a little bit to move past his stage fright. The story involved a time machine and kids ending up at their church Caroling Outreach on Christmas Eve in several different decades, so it had lots of great music and we enjoyed listening to the CD from Oct. up until Christmas and thus having the entire thing memorized.

Montana was in the 80s.

Carson was in the 40s.

Hallie was the star in the Nativity, but she wouldn't stand, so no one could see her full cuteness.

I wasn't sure if Ollie would participate in the Nativity or not, but I brought a pig head in case he wanted to get up there with Hallie. He enjoyed himself climbing up the steps and jumping off multiple times!

Hallie Collage ~ just the smiles

2011-01-04T14:40:00.000-09:00

And her sleeping...she is the only one of my children who will fall asleep anywhere...and so I feel compelled to photograph her just about every time. I needed to make this collage because she has such a great picture smile...when she wants to! But so often when I want to take her picture, she gives me the grumpy face, cries, turns away, etc. Here are the good times...

Girls Room!

2010-12-17T20:23:00.000-09:00

Just need to finish the trim on the pocket door to the closet and the wall trim going up to it!

a productive weekend!

2010-12-07T09:55:00.000-09:00

This last weekend we got a lot accomplished! Both kids' baths are complete! The girls' bedroom is almost complete! We painted trim and doors, hung doors, covered outlets and switches, hung beadboard, finished our closet....

Here is the girls' bathroom.

Here is the boys' bathroom. You can see the walls are quite plain. I wasn't sure what we were going to do in there yet for color, so I had Matt paint it white. I think, someday when I am bored, I will paint some horizontal stripes of various color on the wall with the mirror.

Check out my rockstar closet! Pictures just don't do it justice, because you can't get the walk-in feel, but it is currently one of my two favorite rooms in the house!

I love these kids!

2010-12-07T09:39:00.000-09:00

The closest thing anyone in this family has had to a black eye! I thought I might start to look tougher, but nope!

One corner of our living room.

2010-12-03T11:38:00.001-09:00

You may be wondering why I haven't posted any new pictures of our house in awhile. Well, there's a couple of reasons. One is that there are so many details still to be complete in our house even though we are "livable" and even partially decorated (as you can see). But I don't want you to see the unfinished product! The parts that are missing in this picture are windowsills and floor trim. These are going to be the very last things we do, so it will be awhile before we get any finished pics!

This week house work has come to a complete STAND STILL! Matt is burning the candle at both ends and that is not including work on our home. He teaches at Soldotna Middle School, which starts at 7:45 am. He leaves the house at 6:00 to be able to plan, grade, and other school responsibilities before school starts. He has also just started watching the gym at lunchtime for extra cash. Afterschool he coaches basketball. Then he takes care of his parents' businesses. (They have just bought a second home in Arizona and left for sunnier days until March? Who can blame them!) This week that's been getting him home after the kids are in bed. He eats leftovers and then feels too burnt out to think about working on anything here. Besides wishing we were getting closer to being "done", we all miss Daddy!

Here's some of the things that still need to be done:
lots of outlets and switches, believe it or not!
lots of doors still need put up and knobs installed
sinks and bathtub in master
toilet in girls bath
sink hooked up and vanity light in boys bath
railing in entry
railing going up to bonus room
light, cabinets, sink in laundry room
fireplace rock facing, hearth, and mantle
exterior door trim
all floor trim and window sills
beadboard in girls bed and bath
chair rail trim in Carson's room

So, my dreams of relaxing over Christmas Break just may not come to pass. But, hopefully, we will still be able to enjoy the time off from school and make some wonderful family memories finishing up our wonderful new home. We feel so extremely blessed and grateful to have been able to do this!

Okay, so I'm sentimental!

2010-11-29T11:03:00.000-09:00

Yesterday I got started putting clothes away in my closet. I had this bag of "work" clothes that I hadn't worn in years and I was ready to part ways with clutter that I was not making use of. I was determined to get rid of them. So I dumped them out and found that even if I don't ever wear them again, there are just some things (t-shirts in this case) I can't get rid of. They are too sentimental. I like the reminders of different times in my life. Enjoy this little history lesson on the life of Amber.

(disclaimer: please don't focus on my bad hair and huge zit!)

Although hard to see, this t-shirt has a skeleton drawn on it. I did this scientific masterpiece my junior year of highschool in Anatomy and Physiology. I am normally an English/Literature kind of a girl, but this class was one of my favorites! The teacher, Mrs. Lakin, was great. The class was fun and she really taught in a way that I "got it". I was really proud to be named science student of the year by Mrs. Lakin.

Happy Birthday Ruby! I have never met Ruby. But I had an unlikely friend in college at Cal Baptist named Johnny Holmes. He was way too cool for me, but somehow we clicked. He was a golfer on the school team, which is why he was there, and had a great sense of humor. He also smoked, eww! I used to keep him company outside the school gates when he needed a smoke. I think he came from money, not sure, but one day he was getting rid of this big bag of clothes. Really nice stuff! I went through it and took a couple of shirts, one of which my husband now wears, hee hee! This Ruby shirt is the other one. I was aghast that he would dare throw away his Aunt Ruby! And thus, I will continue to store her safely in my closet.

Kenai Peninsula Football Camp. One of my best buds, Dana, and I were football managers for our highschool our sophomore through senior years. Man, we had some good times! Loved being a football manager. I have always felt fulfilled when taking care of guys. Highschool, college, now, as a wife. Someone has to do it! They are just not capable. ;)

Nowhere else but...Jerseyville! I mean seriously! This is the tiny town I was born in. But I found this shirt at a thrift store or garage sale, can't remember which. And I think that's enough said about that!

Special thanks to my photographer Carson!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-27T09:52:00.000-09:00

We have so much to be thankful for! We were able to host this first holiday meal in our new home! We had 19 at our dinner table this year.

Our morning creating the placecards/napkin holders. Guess who finished about 14 of them after the kids got tired or bored of doing this project!?

It was fun to watch Ollie interact with his cousin Delaney, who is 2.

Hats and Curtains

2010-11-22T14:57:00.000-09:00

So, I am by no means a seamstress. I wish I were! But there have been a couple times in my life that I have set my mind to making something with no directions and have been really impressed with my results. Several years ago I decided to make hats for Carson and Tana to match their coats, since there are so many cute fleece fabrics out there now. I did not ask anyone for help or advice, just decided to give it a go. I just measured their heads with the fabric. Then I sewed a large hem on one side to double up the area that would cover their ears. Then I sew a "stovepipe shape." Then I tied the top with a piece of thread into a pom pom. For the girls, I cut the pom pom into little tassles. For the boys, I keep it short and sweet. Hats and other winter gear are really spendy and fleece fabric is always 50% off or more, so I decided to make the kids some new ones. You can see Hallie and Ollie's here. Montana wouldn't let me photograph her this time! :( Carson already had a nice storebought one, so I didn't make him one. But now he says he wants one, so I'll have to go shopping again, drat!

Here's the cute fabric that I just sewed into a little curtain/valance for the kitchen! I am in love with this fabric against my dark brown cabinets! I am pretty much in love with fabric, especially bold patterns, I guess that's why I wish I was a seamstress! (By the way, please don't examine my sewing!)

So, I've been debating on what colors to accent my kitchen with since we've been in here...worried about clashing with the living area in this great room. I have now settled on several colors -- green (somewhere between lime and avocado), yellow (kind of a vintage yellow), and orange (more bright than rusty)! Not sure if my rooms clash or flow, but so far I am comfortable with all the colors I am living in!

we'll miss you, Gramps.

2010-11-16T14:22:00.003-09:00

I've been wanting to write this post for a few weeks now, but I couldn't access my scanner. Many people have influenced my life, but one of the greatest was my Grandpa Winters, affectionately known to me as Gramps. We had been losing him to alzheimers over the last several years. Jesus took him home on Oct. 25th.

Here are some of the things I learned from him:

saving your favorites for last isn't always the wisest strategy
a gentle spirit wins the heart of most everyone
sometimes it's best to let to let an overbearing person have their say and move on, other times it's important to stand up for yourself
icecream can heal many hurts
love is an action
never forget your passions and stay active your whole life

SO much to do!

2010-11-15T09:53:00.004-09:00

In case you didn't know, we are in! We've "lived" in our house for 2 weeks now. Since then we've had almost constant snow! I was just tellling the kids on the way to the bus this morning that I had prayed for it not to snow until we moved in and it it started snowing immediately after we did. It's like God was just holding back the snow, waiting on us. Thank you, Lord! :)

I am so happy to be here. No more driving 2+ hours every day (which is so good, considering the roads have become horrible). Plus, no more stress of my kids tearing up someone else's house, no more "have" to get the kitchen cleaned now -- it can wait if it needs too!

When we moved in, we had one toilet in the basement. After 2 days, we also had a shower in the basement. Now the 1/2 bath is complete, with doors, so it's nice to have privacy. We also have 2 more working showers and one working bath upstairs. Still no rails on the stairs, and thus, no carpet there either. This last weekend Matt got one garage door opener on, so this morning I was able to leave the house in a warm vehicle, yeah! He also got my pantry shelves in, which is so wonderful! Lots of lights, outlets, and switches have been installed since we've been here, but there are still many remaining to be done. All of our clothes are still on the floor, which is starting to get old. Many doors still have to get put back on the hinges since they were removed for painting. I think I can go on and on, but you get the idea there -- lots of things to get finished in the house in order to switch from contruction loan to mortgage.

So, on top of my regular chores which have to be done every day (feeding the family, laundering their clothes, doing their dishes), there are many things that I need to be helping with while Matt is off getting some bacon. Things such as screwing on outlet covers, painting banisters, and sealing grout. But the things I really want to do are make curtains and put up curtain rods, make the kids hats that I bought material for long ago, make a slipcover for our ugly chair that no longer matches the living room, decorate the Christmas tree which we decided not to put away just to get out again in a few weeks but is just standing bare in the corner. There is also much remaining to get put away and organized, but must wait because their homes are not ready yet. :)

Another comment made by one of the kids this morning was, "I can't wait until Christmas." My response to that is: maybe by then we can enjoy some relaxing time doing what we want! I would love to snuggle with my man on the couch and watch a movie, work on a puzzle (a favorite Christmas tradition), do some scrapbooking (about 4 years behind now, I think.), read a good novel, play a boardgame with the kids, and bake, bake, bake!

For now, I am looking forward to hopefully having some "normal" days in my near future. These days would look like this: quiet time, exercising, showering, doing something to my hair and face while looking in a mirror, cooking and eating bacon, getting the kids off to school, tidying the kitchen and planning dinner, MOPS work, interacting with the little ones.....you get the idea!

Enjoy these pics of our half bath and the before and after of the pantry/mud room.

dump truck Ollie

2010-10-21T06:52:00.000-08:00

Why are boys immediately attracted to mud? After going several weeks without shoes, I had finally found some to fit Ollie's fat feet and he found this mud the next day. One of my least favorite things about building a house -- the muddy season.

Fall Photo Shoot Take 2

2010-10-20T22:41:00.002-08:00

I had Matt with me this time and not a single picture where all four are looking! So frustrating! I just want one pic to replace the one of Carson and Tana over the fireplace...

Fall Photo Shoot Take 1

2010-10-20T22:25:00.000-08:00

Beautiful Alaska

2010-10-20T22:22:00.000-08:00

Mt. Redoubt as viewed in the evening from our bonus room window.

The mountains to the south as viewed from the other bonus room window.

The Turnagin Arm drive is so beautiful some days! I drove by myself to Anchorage to lead a state MOPS meeting and I had to attempt to capture some of the beauty by opening the window a little and holding the camera and shooting. Without looking of course!

House Progress

2010-10-20T22:12:00.002-08:00

We are planning to move into our house next weekend! By then all the flooring should be installed and we should have a completely functional kitchen and at least one functional bathroom. Everything else that is not done we will do while in residence. I CAN'T WAIT!

Cute Kids

2010-10-20T21:58:00.000-08:00

Ollie in his babylegs on the road by our house.

Hallie in her new princess dress from Grandma. We had a tea party every day for a couple of weeks.

Fleeting Moments

2010-09-23T06:41:00.006-08:00

Last night I couldn't fall asleep. It's becoming about a 1 in 3 day pattern. At about 11:30 I heard Oliver fussing. He almost never wakes up at night, so I crept in to console him and see what might be causing his distress. I hefted his long, 18 month old body out of the crib and sat with him close to my heart. I cherished 5 solid minutes of rocking and cuddling him. A toddler boy is a busy boy and his times of sitting still are rare.

Although I am looking forward with anticipation to how our family will look when there are no more babies, and I am bravely facing a new identity, my heart still longs for another baby. (No matter how many I have, I don't think it would ever stop!) Thoughts of how quickly the days have passed in my children's first years brings me to tears, because I realize how little I took the time to cherish them. I pushed them to grow quickly and allowed time to pass quickly because I always knew there would be a "next" baby. Now I am mourning the end of an era.

Montana's 6th Birthday

2010-09-04T19:14:00.000-08:00

On Montana's birthday, she picked pancakes for dinner!

The next day was Saturday and we had a tea party. It would have taken place at the park, except for it decided to pour down rain. Thankfully, Tana did not have a large guest list and we were able to "take over" the little kids eating room at McDonalds for an hour without any complaints from the other diners. I think she was happy with the outcome, but I definitely look forward to being able to have celebrations in our own home again! I fear being in McDonalds with many children!

First Day of School

2010-08-28T22:37:00.000-08:00

Aren't they adorable? Carson is a 2nd grader and Montana is a 1st grader this year at Sterling Elementary. I am very excited about them going to school there -- their class sizes are only 15 or 16! It's a bit of a drive right now, but we are managing very well since the start time is an hour later than last year's school.

Those of us who don't go to school in this family had to have a little tea party. It was a gorgeous sunny week!

this boy loves to drive!

2010-08-28T22:23:00.000-08:00

Oliver just has a thing for driving. I'm always amazed when little boys automatically pick up toy cars and "drive" them around while making "car sounds". So Oliver did that and I thought it was adorable. But, aside from that, he ALWAYS chooses to get in this play car first thing when he goes outside and he can stay in there up to a half hour without even going anywhere! Okay, that's not all. One day, when we pulled in to the driveway and I took him out of his carseat and put him down and he threw a fit hitting my door until I let him in my seat. He proceded to "drive" my car by turning the steering wheel and then he reached down an picked up the car keys from where I leave them in the center console and tried to put them in the ignition! (Okay, it was the cutest thing ever, but I think I should probably find a better spot for them when he gets older!) Last thing, what do you think he does when we go to Fred Meyer? Insists on the car shopping cart, which I can't stand to push around!

Spontaneous Mini-Vacation

2010-08-28T21:50:00.002-08:00

Okay, so I went a little crazy one day. Matt went back to school and it was STILL raining and we were couped up in this house. Oliver just kept getting into trouble because there is nowhere for him to be a toddler boy in this house. I felt like a caged animal and the rage was building within. So, in a snap, I decided, we are going to drive to Anchorage, stay in a hotel that has a pool and go to Bouncin' Bears. It was an inside thing I knew that the kids could use up some energy and we'd never been there. I went online to see about a hotel and found that the cheapest place with a pool was Alyeska Resort in Girdwood. I was excited about that because 1. it's really nice 2. I wouldn't have to drive as long with the kids the first day 3. the pool is bigger 4. it wouldn't be as crowded. I tried to get ahold of Matt for his permission at his lunch time, but he had his phone turned off. I finally just went for it! I had to get out of here! Of course, we didn't actually get out of town (after packing the car, buying food, and getting gas) until about 3 and by the time, the sun started to come out! Matt called as we were on the road and I said he was welcome to come stay the night with us even though he would have to leave very early in the morning to get back to work. He didn't sound thrilled about that, plus he had work on the house to do. BUT, he surprised us and showed up to the pool! The kids were so excited about staying at a hotel, it seemed like the next best thing to Disneyland! We swam all evening and then watched Marmaduke in our room while eating room service pizza. In the morning, we drove to Anchorage and went to Bouncin' Bears, even though it was sunny and gorgeous out at that point. Then, on a whim, we went to the Alaska Zoo. I saw the sign and realized this was a very good opportunity to check it out since we had never been. Overall, it was an awesome mini-vacation with the kids!

MOPS Convention in Orlando!

2010-08-28T21:31:00.001-08:00

Thank goodness I was able to go to Orlando for the MOPS Convention after a month of rain! It was so wonderful. I am so excited about being a Field Leader! I love to serve the Lord in this role -- I am passionate about MOPS! I pray that many more MOPS groups are started in Alaska under my Field Leadership and that our current groups flourish and grow. Thank you, Jesus, for MOPS!

Dog Pile!

2010-08-28T21:19:00.000-08:00

Growing Things

2010-08-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

This is the first time I've ever been involved in growing produce and I won't take the credit because it's really Grandpa Fischer's garden, but just being present to witness from planting to harvesting was an amazing experience. The fact that we ended up with edible food with no maintenance of the garden once is was planted just fascinates me! I now cannot wait have my own garden at our new house.

Diaper Rider meets Monkey Girl and House Progress

2010-08-28T20:56:00.002-08:00

Tie Dye Day!

2010-08-28T20:31:00.000-08:00

Another fun and fabulous friend day with Stephanie and Dana and all our kiddos! Steph was so kind and generous to teach us how to tie dye and share her dye with us! We had a good time and ended up with some awesome tie dyed shirts and undies! Then, we went swimming. We drove all the way to Nikiski to find that it was closed on Mondays! Thankfully, Skyview had open swim that we were able to get to, otherwise we would have had some major kiddo meltdowns.

House Progress

2010-08-28T20:24:00.001-08:00

Actually, we are much further along now! The house is wrapped and drywall is almost complete!

Hallie's Half Birthday

2010-08-28T20:12:00.000-08:00

This was one of my favorite days of summer. We like to celebrate Hallie's half birthday with gifts and friends, rather than on her real birthday because it is less than a week before Christmas. This summer Dana and her 3 girls and baby boy were up visiting her parents, so she and Stephanie provided all the kids we needed for a fantastic birthday party! Since it turned out yucky outside, Matt allowed us into the gym at his new school to play. After the birthday festivities, the weather had gotten decent (no rain), so we took the kids out to the Redoubt playground. We decided to continue on our day by driving them over to McDonalds playland for dinner! I have decided that there is not much better than the comfort of being in the presence of old friends. We know each other so well, that even though we rarely get to see each other or spend time together or even talk that often, that when we do get together we can just pick up where we left off. It's a wonderful feeling. (But I do wish Dana lived closer!)

Fishing!

2010-07-17T22:23:00.000-08:00

After living here for most of the last 19 years, I finally fished for reds from the banks of the Kenai River for the first time! I've always been intimidated to go down and try it. I didn't have anyone to teach me and I didn't want to look stupid. But it's so easy and fun! Of course, being the photographer, there is no proof that I fished, but I did! The girls each got to try it as well. Then I took them to hang with grandma so I could focus and not worry about anyone falling in. Matt and Carson ended up fishing long after I left to get the others to bed and came home at 11:30 pm with 4 fish! Then they got up at 4:15 am the next morning to try for kings with Grandpa from his boat. Not many kings coming out of the river this year. Carson was so excited to fish with grandpa, though, and it was so special for him to take them out on a day off. Tonight, Carson was asked which kind of fishing he liked better and his response was, "Reds, because you actually catch fish!" :)

Sawfest!

2010-07-17T22:00:00.004-08:00

This is the first year that I know of that this has been called "Sawfest", but I think that makes it even more awesome! They have this chainsaw carving contest every year and the end results are amazing! This is truly art. Unfortunately, our pictures all revolve around the kids and some older wood carvings and I did not get any of the new carving taking place. But it's a fun little outing with the best BBQ I have tasted and a fun little ice cream shop as well. The carousel costs $1 per person per ride and she just kept it going until I finally told her, "That's probably good", because the kids were starting to try to get off on their own!

The Lake!

2010-07-17T11:06:00.002-08:00

We finally had a day nice enough to go to the lake! (Scout Lake, of course.) It was a day I had to clean the trailer and our rooms at Fischers and move to my parent's to make room for their Pensylvania guests. It was gorgeous and warm and I was motivated to clean FAST so we could get to that lake. It may be our only lake day of the summer and it was wonderful. Thank you Lord, for a warm, sunny day! Contessa, Sable, and Emry joined us, which made it even more enjoyable.

A Few Summer Happenings

2010-07-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

I found Hallie backpacking her baby, Delaney.

Carson and Grandpa planted a garden.

Carson at Solid Rock Lakeside Camp. Horsemanship.

Funyaking.

July 4th

2010-07-05T16:31:00.001-08:00

Some of the fun happenings on the 4th of July: SUNSHINE! in the morning. church. picnic at the park with Grandma and Grandpa Howard. Parade. Candy. Crazy outfit sightings. Fischer BBQ inside due to rain...many Fischers in a small house! Lots of food!

Cousins

2010-07-05T16:20:00.000-08:00

These 4 boy cousins are all 7 years old! They enjoyed each other immensely during the few days that they were all together.

Tent Sleeping

2010-07-05T16:06:00.000-08:00

It's hard to imagine myself tent camping ever again, but maybe we will once the kids are ALL old enough to stay down and go to sleep without confinement. In the mean time, the older kids can enjoy sleeping in a tent in the yard. And if they get cold or uncomfortable, they can just come on in to their own beds!

Eclipse

2010-07-05T15:58:00.000-08:00

I am so excited that Dana is in town for a month! Since Steph, Dana, and I read the Twilight Saga and the 3rd movie had just come out, it seemed like as good excuse as any to spend the day together! So we drove to Anchorage to watch it on the Imax screen!

The 3 of us were best buds from 8th grade through high school. Now we have 11 kids between us!

This is how our husbands feel about Twilight!

Clamming

2010-06-16T10:33:00.002-08:00

I don't eat clams, and I don't love digging them either. But I do enjoy going down to the beach during a clam tide to watch all the craziness. And it is crazy! I am amazed every time at the sheer number of vehicles driven on the beach and the many methods people use to dig the clams, the attire they choose to wear on their bodies and their feet, and the mode of transportation they operate and how many people they can get into and on that transport!

Summer Fun

2010-06-16T09:49:00.000-08:00

Today it is day 2 of rainy, gloomy weather, so I am dreaming about the times we had some fun in the sun. We've enjoyed playing in the back yard here at Grandma and Grandpa Fischers' house, which is very nicely set up for playing and watching kids. Slip n' slide...shish kabobs...trampoline...kiddie pool. There are also a couple of pics from the Kenai River Festival. We spent a couple of hours there and enjoyed some really nice weather! Having the concert is such an improvement, because I could declare a home base with Ollie instead of carrying him around the whole time. He and his gal pal Katie Cox enjoyed flirting and fighting.

House Progress

2010-06-15T14:38:00.003-08:00

We're moving along nicely! I enjoyed a day on the jobsite as a worker (no kids!)when the trusses arrived. It also happened to be our 9th anniversary! My job was to hook up the cables from the boom truck to the trusses to be lifted to the tops of the walls. It's so nice to have Mom's motorhome parked there (thanks Mom!) so on nice days the kids and I can hang out, have a bathroom to use, a fridge and stove to cook on, and beds to rest on when necessary! I am also very excited to have a picnic table! This last Sunday we had a hotdog and smores roast over the fire that Carson built in the fire pit he dug. He was in charge of the whole thing!

To God be the Glory!

2010-05-27T10:23:00.003-08:00

As I finish up this MOPS year and my time as coordinator of College Heights MOPS, I've been reflecting a lot. I'm not going to lie -- I am very proud of what God's used me to accomplish. I am not a confident person by nature, so it feels good when people comment on the success of the group and thank me for the time and work that went in to it. There is no denying that starting MOPS took a lot of time and hard work, and I was stretched A LOT! But what needs to be made very clear is that I took on that endeavor and began that journey only because the Lord directed me to do it! And there is no way it would have been successful had I not relied upon Him and allowed Him to work through my weaknesses. The Lord was involved in every step that led to the initial success of College Heights MOPS, starting with providing the most excellent steering team a coordinator could ever ask for! Girls, seriously, your support and encouragement kept me going! And your willingness to work hard alongside me deserves just as much credit, not to mention all your thoughts and ideas that helped make the dream a reality. And Mentor Mom, thank you. It would take all day to type how God has used you in my life.

At our final meeting of the year, I was really surprised to be formally thanked and honored for my service as coordinator. It was completely unexpected. The gifts were lovely and obviously someone's been paying attention to my tastes:), but what means the most to me and what I will treasure forever are the cards written by moms who have been impacted by MOPS. To close out this entry, I am going to share some of these treasured thoughts with you.

-MOPS has become such a highlight in my life!
-I am thankful...for your love for Christ; it inspires me to search deeper spiritually.
-You inspire me to give. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and being a true friend.
-Thank you for helping make sure this mom is not alone - because it surely can get lonely out here!
-I can see the Lord's light in you...
-You have made an impact on so many lives.

Thank you, Jesus, for picking me. I love to be used by you! To God be the glory, great things He has done!

Lawn Tractor

2010-05-27T10:20:00.000-08:00

I think this is Ollie's first ride!

Grandpa's Boat

2010-05-27T10:16:00.000-08:00

House Progress

2010-05-27T10:12:00.001-08:00