Meat!

Oh boy, do I love the sight of A LOT of meat all at once! There is something so comforting about opening up the freezer and seeing it FULL of meat! And not ice cream, chicken nuggets, corn dogs, etc, etc. I stocked up on meat and produce at IGA yesterday. I have decided it is totally worth the drive over to Kenai and the difficulty with kids to go there. This was my meat take. This, along with the moose burger, salmon, turkey carcass, and full turkey in our freezer should provide for some healthy meals for more than a month!

I can't wait to try this recipe I found for the pork chops tonight!

http://paleocomfortfoods.com/in-the-kitchen/another-big-week-of-giveaways-our-prize-winners-and-smothered-pork-chops/

Goodnight Day 1

I made it through a whole day without dark chocolate! But I sincerely missed it, especially after dinner. I have been trained my entire life to end a meal with something sweet! :(

breakfast: eggs cooked in olive oil with the yummy seasoned salt I bought at Gaylord Opreyland in Nashville
lunch: BAS (big ass salad) with green and black olives, boiled egg, avocado, cilantro, olive oil and seasoned salt
snack (at variable times): walnuts, one date, coconut flakes, tea with coconut oil, 2 tiny satsuma mandarins
dinner: slow cooked pork shoulder roast with garlic, g.salt, lime juice, avocado, cilantro, cumin; yellow squash cooked in olive oil and seasoned salt, peas

I'm afraid I'm going to run out of my current supply of EVOO and special seasoned salt very quickly! Everything I ate today was delicious and I said NO to all the food at MOPS! Yay for me!

Starting Tomorrow!

New Year's Resolutions OR 2012 Goals?

I have always had a sort of negative perception of new year's resolutions. It just seemed so silly to me to make these "resolutions" that seemed flippant, would be forgotten in a week, or that were the same every single year. I honestly can't remember the last time I actually participated in this tradition.

Prior to Christmas I was talking with a friend about goals for the new year. I automatically stated that I never make new year's resolutions because I hate to fail. And I realized what I had said and the truth behind it. I don't set specific goals at specific times and make them public, because I hate eating my words, and failing to attain a goal that I shared with others feels a lot like eating my words. I realized, before my friend could point it out, as she did, that not ever setting goals for fear of failure is a sure way to never accomplish anything, be lazy, and have no drive.

So this year I've decided to take the plunge! Of course, once I decided to set some goals for 2012, I had to go overboard and set too many! Sheesh, will I ever learn?! :)

Some of my goals have tangible ways to "check-off" that they were completed. And some I still have to figure out how I will manage to keep track of whether or not they are attained. But I need to post them now before I use the excuse of "it's too late" to not do it! (And now I just got this idea brewing to do a monthly goal type thing. Welp, too late now! That can be a future project, I guess.)

So, without further ado (but with some further explaination;)

2012 Goals

Mind:

• Read 5 books from start to finish – two of which must be nonfiction. (this does not include devotionals, periodicals, Bible studies, commentaries, etc.)

• Write 2 times a month, one of which will be a blog post.

Body:

• Complete the Whole30 Challenge (I am starting this challenge on the 3rd! This is by far the scariest goal I am taking on and the one I fear failure of the most! But hey, it's only 30 days, right? About a year and a half ago I adopted the Primal way of eating and it was the best thing for me! I shed excess weight without effort and maintained without ever feeling deprived. But, little by little, I was adding in things by eating a little here and a little there until it became a lot all the time! I need this fresh start, but I have never given up dark chocolate and butter! AHHH!)

• Abstain from grains and refined sugar except for special social occasions. (This is a refresher/reminder goal since I have basically fallen off the wagon during the last month.)

• Exercise regularly. ( This goal is too generic, but until I adopt a shorter term goal system, I cannot post anything more definitive!)

Spirit:

• Pray daily. (This is a weakness of mine that I would like to improve upon.)

Family:

• Make a budget that works and stick to it. (Ugh! Why is this so difficult? Our income and payout has fluctuated for over a year, and now we are in the process of refinancing. But I am determined to accomplish this within 2012. When I do, I will let you know so you can celebrate with me!)

• Make sure kids’ teeth get brushed each day. (I know, so ridic. But it's GOT to be done! UGH!)

• One on one date once a month with one of the kids (rotation). (I absolutely LOVE one on one time with my kiddos! And we both really need it. So, I will be trying to create some sort of schedule.)

Okay, I had to stop myself. I feel like I could go on making goals for myself forever, because there are really so many things I would like to do/change/accomplish.....you know! I decided I need to attempt to make my goals attainable, while being a stretch, which I believe these are!

So So, 2012, you are on!

You are my sunshine...

Something really cool just happened.

It's no secret that I struggle with our winters. That is where God has me right now. I am transparent. I used to wear masks and will no longer do so. I pray, pray, pray that God will use me, somehow, to bring him glory.

So for me, without exception, sun=happy. No sun = no happy, no energy, no motivation, the list goes on. I never used to be such a wimp, but I seem to have no control over the fact that each year the affect on me worsens.

Before you come to me with all your suggested solutions, please know that I have tried/am trying everything. Even prescription medication. I will continue to seek God's direction as I pursue an answer. That is not the point of this post.

This morning was really rough on me. I don't know why. Other than the fact that I haven't followed my morning routine of working out. I have been struggling to get out of bed. Then I've been getting sidetracked by the computer instead of taking care of morning chores and my children. Then I am frazzled when it's time to leave for the bus and inevitably yelling ensues before everyone is actually in the car. So that makes me feel yucky.

And I have been reading post after post of these amazing Godly women (who also happen to be amazing writers) and how they "do" Christmas in their family. And basically it's been making me feel like a really bad person. I am now struggling with what is the right thing to do in our home, with my family.

So all morning I am feeling yucky - in my mind, heart, and body. There is no sun. I haven't worked out. I am eating like crap. I am a terrible person.

I have no peace. I realize I cannot have peace because I have not been in the presence of God. For DAYS. It's kind of like working out - the longer you go not doing it, the easier it is to continue not doing it (or the harder to get back in the habit). I have been feeling ashamed about it (every time the alarm on my phone goes off that is the time I "scheduled" to be with God each day) and afraid to face him.

I make the kids lunch (this is big) and consciously make the decision to sit and interact with them while they are eating rather than wait it out reading facebook or another important blog. Then I think I might feel better about myself if I read to them before Oliver's nap. So we read 3 books. Then I walk with Ollie up to bed and he asks me to lay down with him. I do (a task I usually avoid). He fell asleep right before my very eyes. Within a couple of minutes. It was beautiful. Then I come down and I don't hear Hallie, so I assume she is in the basement playing. But then I hear her on the couch and I ask her what she is doing and she says she is going to take a nap. She is asleep in less than 5 minutes. God put my children to sleep, my friends. (The dog also went to sleep, by the way.) I turn off the Christmas music and there is complete silence. Another form of peace.

So, I get out my Bible and Bible study and guess what the topic for this day was? God's peace. Here's one verse that really stood out:

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Then I am spending a lot of time apologizing and begging God to "take me back", basically. There are many tears spilled as I am crying out to God, asking him to allow me into his presence, pleading with him to wash over me and show me how to live in this place and be in the center of his will. And I am just sitting there, at the table with my Bible, unsure what to do, but unwilling to move on without something more.

And that's when it happened. The clouds parted in this one little spot and the glorious sunshine broke through and landed right on me at that table. Everywhere else is gray and clouds, but at that moment there is sunlight, streaming through, right onto me. And then, let me tell you, the floodgates opened and the tears were full on sobbing. Why does God love me so? I am so undeserving.

God has restored my peace. And I have GOT to stop comparing myself to other people and focus on what God wants. And most importantly, I have got to remain in His presence if I want His peace.

I love you, friends.

xoxo

Amber

Straight Talk About Santa

Well, I did it. The day I have been dreading has come to pass.

I told Carson straight out, "there is no Santa." I also said, "the presents; they're from us. the tree; we put it up."

Where to start on this post? I am so torn on this issue! Sometimes I just want to say FORGET SANTA! But then I remember all the wonderful memories from my childhood. And I think about the joy and excitement I see in Matt when he puts up Santa's tree and then waits in anticipation for the kids to see it. It is a "magical", wonderful time for our family.

Matt and I grew up knowing the true reason for Christmas. More emphasis was always put on the birth of Jesus and why he came than on Santa. My kids know WHO Christmas is about. JESUS. But should we remove Santa from the picture? I struggle with this question.

We do not have to take the same path in our lives as our parents. We do not have to take the same approach to holidays with our children, how we worship God, discipline, educate, or ANYTHING as the one our parents took when raising us. We can CHOOSE differently. But what is right? What is most important? What is best for our children? What will grow them towards being Godly young people with immense LOVE for all of mankind? That is what I am trying to determine here.

I feel good about where we are at. My parents NEVER had a straight talk with me about Santa. I wish they had. I am embarrassed to think about how long I believed in him. Of course I guessed it, but I think I might have been in denial for a long time. My mom always said "as long as we believe in Santa, he will keep coming." Meaning, we just say we believe, even if we don't, and whoever is bringing the presents will keep bringing them! So that was the extent of our conversation. I never knew the history of Santa.

For the longest time early in our marriage, I wanted to take that approach with my kids. I really hated the idea of saying the words "Santa is not real". But I know my kids. And they are not me. And I am glad I did it.

Carson, he is great. He is the best. How bittersweet for me that my little boy is becoming a young man already. He handled the news well. I was so worried and dreading that conversation because his reactions can be a bit strong. He has a history of meltdowns when dealing with disappointment. And I also didn't want him to be hurt. My hope was that he would accept the news well and know that everything we do and say is in love and with only the best intentions. If he thought of us as liars, that would be terrible! I tried really hard to be sloppy, even last year, so he could figure it out on his own or at least ask the question to open that conversation! But he was really hanging on and we were risking him being the only third grader in his class who didn't know. I think he is actually relieved to know the truth and not have to wonder or guess or try to figure it out anymore. I can understand that!

He now gets to be an "elf" and help with Santa's tree. I hope he can enjoy the special role of being "in the know" without spoiling it for the others. :)

Here is my big boy two Christmases ago. We found him asleep in front of Santa's tree in the morning with a very convincing story that he had seen Santa. <3

Feel free to comment with your opinion. I'm a big girl now, and I can take it. :)

Blog Post About My Hair

Have you ever experienced insomnia? I do, fairly regularly, usually preceding that special visitor us ladies get each month. Like right now, it's 1:56 AM. I went to bed at 10:10 PM. I believe I slept a bit at first, but next thing I knew I was looking at the clock and it was eleven something...and I've been awake ever since. This is night two of this, so you can imagine my disappointment at not being able to sleep. I keep experiencing these giant, deep, soul trembling yawns...yet sleep eludes me. What I experience during these episodes is something I call "crazy mind". I mean, it jumps all over the place. I have about 20 things going through it simultaneously, one of which is ALWAYS a song. I try to clear my mind. I try to focus on one thing. I try praying.

But this post is about my hair. One of the things that has been OBSESSIVELY going through my mind while lying in bed tonight is the fact that the back of my hair just at the base of my head is too long. And now it's driving me nuts. I don't think I can stop thinking about it until I get it fixed. But I just had my hair cut a week ago! And I really don't want to call the salon. I am certain that by now I have earned the reputation at the salon as the girl who just can't be pleased. This hair has been through quite the transformation over the last 6 months. So let me just tell you the story of my hair.

First of all, I hate my hair. It really requires a lot of effort to look decent. I used to be quite "low maintenance", as my hubby puts it. As for my hair, it usually ended up in a ponytail and I was quite comfortable with that. But then I cut it shorter. It looked pretty cute in an a-line, but I would have to straighten it to keep it from being puffy with one rogue wave. Now I am going to fast forward to post-childnumberfour, Ollie. Actually, it was during his pregnancy. My hair turned curly in the back underneath. Well, I liked the idea of the curls, but my hair just became a lot of work, because no matter what, I had to either curl or straighten my hair for it to look good. Then, one day I went in to get my hair cut and the girl who was doing my hair had gotten a perm. She had short hair and it looked really cute. I had been planning, dreaming, and scheming about growing my hair longer again and getting a wavy perm in hopes of returning to low-maintenance girl and not having to curl or straighten. But my hair grows extremely slow and how many times had I given up on growing because I just couldn't stand it at that in-between stage? So, I decided to get a perm. And so the perm saga began. And a mullet I just can't seem to get rid of.

The first perm was great. But it fell out in less than two weeks. The cut, shorter layers on top than I had ever had. (Still trying to grow out those layers while cutting the back shorter and shorter. I have determined, without a doubt, that good or bad, I prefer my hair shorter in the back than the front.) I was leaving on vacation and needed it fixed, pronto! So, a different girl re-permed my hair in the wee hours of the morning. That turned out so much worse than the first one. Terrible! But I had to go on vacation and that is when I learned to use my curling iron. When we got home, I got another perm (with girl number 3), which turned out well. (Except that it was only the top and by that time the bottom had lost it's curl as well, but I didn't have the guts to speak up about it.) But she cut the top even shorter! AAAAHHH! The mullet was becoming more pronounced. I went back and had it cut again in the back. I learned that I must always use the curling iron to make it look good. I get to the point that I feel it is safe to ask for another perm and request that we start working towards this goal of shorter back and longer front. Sort of a-line with stacked back, but still curly. Love my hair for two weeks. Realize the back needs to be shorter. Go back in. Improved, but still not short enough. For some reason, even though I think I know what I want and have been improving in my communication, I still can't seem to get across exactly what I am looking for! I have been in the salon more in the last 6 months than in the last 6 years, I am certain!

And I dread calling them in the morning. But if I don't, this tiny issue with my hair will take over my mind until I get it fixed. So, thank you for all of your compliments. I really do love my hair when I make it curly. But it's a lot of work. And I long to be low-maintenance girl once again!