Beautiful Things

All this pain

I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

Lyrics to "Beautiful Things" by Gungor

This song has been on my mind, my heart, my ipod for days and days now.  I love it.  What is interesting is that, in the past, if I had listened to this song, I might have been very sad, listening through tears, but clinging to the words with hope, that God could make something beautiful out of me.

You see, I have been in a deep pit of depression.  Even with Jesus in my heart, I found myself in a dark, lonely place.  And after many failed attempts to “get out there” to try to connect with other moms of young children, I came to believe every other mom already had all the friends she needed, and my personality just wouldn’t allow me to jump into an established group of friends.  So I isolated myself further.

God, in his mercy, decided to save me from my own self-pity and self-loathing, and that dark place.   He gave me MOPS.  I never got to experience MOPS as just an attendee.  But as I looked into this ministry, I realized the opportunity it provides for moms to connect could have saved me from the pain and loneliness I had endured.  I was determined to provide this opportunity for other moms, because I knew there had to be others like me in this community.

God used MOPS to change my life.  Not as a mom, but as a leader.  I discovered my true joy was not going to come in the form of a BFF with the same aged kids and the same hobbies and the same parenting views (which is what I desperately wanted).  But my true joy came when I looked beyond myself, and served God by serving others.

So I listen to this song with a smile on my face, and tears of joy welling up.  Because I am so, so thankful God made me new and made a beautiful thing out of me.

It has been my privilege and my honor to serve you in College Heights MOPS.

Amber

Change, Part 2

You are so right, Contessa, it is time to continue. Thank you for that little kick in the booty! Sometimes I have so much in my head and I know I can't write it all. So, I have been trying to figure out exactly what I want to say about change, what should be said about the changes that prompted this post, and how to say it best so that the reader doesn't click the dreaded x after the first paragraph!

Towards the end of the MOPS year, we (leadership) always start thinking about the following year and there are always changes to be dealt with. Pretty normal. So I was confident as I prepared to "coach" my team through change. And then I learned of some more changes that will be taking place in this ministry that is a big part of my life.

I'll give you a personal example. I've been living in the same community for a long time. Much longer than I anticipated living somewhere as an adult, when I was a youth. The thought of moving is quite exciting to me. Certainly not the packing and unpacking part, but starting fresh somewhere new and experiencing another part of God's great earth is a thrilling idea. I just love to travel and want to see and experience this entire world. Living in Alaska on a teacher's salary for a family of 7 can make you pretty "stuck". Before you start spreading any rumors, there is no moving in our near future that we can see. But that would be a huge change. A change that many would hate but, to me, sounds exciting.

On the other hand, some changes are harder for me to accept. Such as opening up my blog after 17 days away from it and finding everything different. Or when an organization I have been involved with for several years decide to change their terminology. Why? I thought it was all working pretty well the way it was!

The truth is, when I wanted to start writing about "change", I didn't know what changes were going to take place (other than having a baby!). But I knew changes were coming and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Fearful would probably be the most accurate word. And if you are wondering just what I am referring to, it is MOPS, because, next to my family, MOPS has been the biggest and most important thing in my life since becoming an adult. There's too much history to tell there, but oh, how I wish I could! If you want to learn more, you can find snippets on this blog by typing in the word MOPS in the search bar. I've tried to tag them all...

Back to the changes....I knew I was having a baby and I knew I wanted to be able focus more on this precious gift when he/she arrives. Really, truly enjoy and savor all it. (In case you haven't guessed, I am trying to convince myself to be done having babies.) But MOPS holds a big part of my heart and I wasn't willing to just let it disappear. There are a small group of committed leaders ready to go for next year and I couldn't just drop them. Not only that, but this community is FULL of young mothers of preschoolers looking to connect with other moms. When I see them, I see myself 5,6,7 years ago and the dark, lonely place I was in. Unfortunately, there is no interest in leadership from within my church. So, a bit reluctantly, I committed to Coordinate again. I was so thankful for a precious mom/leader/friend on my team who said she is willing to help in whatever capacity I would like, as an assistant coordinator.

But God was still nagging me and I knew in my heart that something was not right with the plans I was making. It was at this point that He planted the idea in my mind of the possibility of MOPS not ending, but moving. I began to pray about this scenario. I had to process the idea of "letting go" of MOPS, essentially. But it has never been about me, it has always been about God and he gave me a peace about this idea so quickly. I approach my friend about this idea God has placed in my heart and it is no surprise that she has already considered this scenario. I just love the way God works. :) Now there were two of us praying. In the meantime, it becomes very clear to me that MOPS is supposed to end at my church, regardless of whether another church is ready and willing to take it on. So I make that call. It was still hard to make and I dragged my feet for more days than I should have...

But as soon as I did, the peace and joy that comes with knowing I am within the will of God just washed over me. It's such a good feeling. And almost immediately God started showing me why I needed this change and some ideas of what I will be focusing on (for the short term, anyways).

We are still praying for another church in this community to be ready to support a MOPS group. And if God provides a church, then I will still be involved for at least a year to help with a smooth transition (assuming the coordinator wants that ;). And I have no intention of quitting my Field Leadership anytime soon. I have such a passion for this ministry and the way it can change lives. And I love being a part of something greater than myself in my own little world. God really uses MOPS to change lives. He used it to change me. For the better, I might add!

The MOPS Update

So, last year I took a "year off" from coordinating classic mops. One of the things I've learned since then is that when I follow God's leading, it doesn't mean that later he won't lead me right back to where I was! When I first realized I was going to be back into the coordinator role at College Heights this coming year, I was a little embarrassed to share the news. I felt like I kinda made a big deal about leaving in the first place. Because I figured it was forever! And I was sad about it, but excited to go with God wherever he took me. Silly me to think I know what God's got in mind!

It was a good year for me to not be coordinating. Refreshing. Plus, I would have had a mental breakdown, I think, trying to coordinate and build our house, while living with my inlaws. :) I am thankful God had someone there to keep it going during my hiatus. And this time, I am not trying to predict the future! One year at a time. I will continue to rely upon God to enable me to do all he has set out for me.

I wasn't latent, mind you. I was still coordinating Teen MOPS. Teen MOPS has been such a blessing! Rewarding, stretching, growing. There is such a need. Oftentimes, young moms don't see their need, or are too stubborn to address it. No matter what our age, we ALL need to be connected when parenting young children! I pray there is someone in our community with passion, drive, and initiative, willing to lead Teen MOPS. I don't want to see it die. But I can't do it all.

I've also served a full year as a Field Leader for Mops International! From the first general session at my very first Convention in Dallas, before our MOPS group had even started and I had ever been to one MOPS meeting, I knew when I saw the girls walking around in the brightly colored polos that I would someday be one of them. I just didn't think it would be so soon! I absolutely love being a field leader. Although, because we were in the situation we were, building our house, I have not yet lived up to my potential in that role. I feel like I was just getting started this spring, once we were all settled. We did have our first ever community event in Anchorage and Leadership Summit there as well and I am just thrilled to start connecting these leaders and groups together in our vast state, as well as offer support and encouragement to them in their leadership roles.

So, there you have it! We are gearing up for a new MOPS year at College Heights and I find myself at the helm again! With God as my compass, of course. I am so excited! I am excited to be working with new leaders, excited to meet new moms and see who God will send to our group. I am excited to be stretched and grown more and more. I am excited to serve. I know I am at my best when I am serving others, when God is loving moms through me.

Spring Refreshment

Maybe you identify with a t-shirt slogan I saw on a group of moms at MOPS Convention. It said:

SUPER WIFE.

SUPER MOM.

SUPER TIRED.

It certainly gave me a chuckle. I don’t know about the super wife and super mom part, but there are definitely times that I feel SUPER TIRED as a mom of young children! Jesus said, in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” I have been weary and burdened, how about you?

Sometimes, when I’m in a place of feeling weary and burdened, I can almost visualize myself in a dry, desolate desert, trudging though the sand, and all I see on the horizon is dune after dune of the same dusty brown sand. Or it might literally look like diaper after diaper of the same smelly poop. Load after load of the same laundry each week. Load after load of the same dishes. It can certainly make one weary. If we come to Him, he will give us rest! Sometimes, we just need to rest in His arms. “Every moment of every season is an opportunity for spiritual growth.”(Alicia Britt Chole, Intimate Conversations) Even seasons of rest.

After I’ve spent some time resting, I’m thirsty! I’m thirsty for LIFE! And guess what, Jesus had something to say about our thirst as well. He said, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.” (John 7:37) As the springtime sun pours forth, my soul is awakened! I begin seeking the Lord with renewed vigor. Like a flower bulb, I have been dormant, resting in my Father’s arms. Once my restoration is complete, I experience refreshment. I am overflowing with energy and joy!

Maybe you are feeling weary or burdened. Maybe you hunger or thirst for something beyond physical food and drink. There is new life to be found in Jesus! Let Him restore you. Let Him refresh you.

Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord. Acts 3:19-20a (New Living Translation)

weary: physically or mentally exhausted by hard work, exertion, strain; characterized by or causing impatience or dissatisfaction; tedious

burden: that which is carried; a load; that which is borne with difficulty; obligation

hunger: a strong or compelling desire or craving

thirst: strong or eager desire; craving

restore: to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish; to bring back to a former, original, or normal condition; to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor

refresh: to provide new vigor and energy; to stimulate; to make fresh again; reinvigorate or cheer

MOPS Convention in Orlando!

Thank goodness I was able to go to Orlando for the MOPS Convention after a month of rain! It was so wonderful. I am so excited about being a Field Leader! I love to serve the Lord in this role -- I am passionate about MOPS! I pray that many more MOPS groups are started in Alaska under my Field Leadership and that our current groups flourish and grow. Thank you, Jesus, for MOPS!

To God be the Glory!

As I finish up this MOPS year and my time as coordinator of College Heights MOPS, I've been reflecting a lot. I'm not going to lie -- I am very proud of what God's used me to accomplish. I am not a confident person by nature, so it feels good when people comment on the success of the group and thank me for the time and work that went in to it. There is no denying that starting MOPS took a lot of time and hard work, and I was stretched A LOT! But what needs to be made very clear is that I took on that endeavor and began that journey only because the Lord directed me to do it! And there is no way it would have been successful had I not relied upon Him and allowed Him to work through my weaknesses. The Lord was involved in every step that led to the initial success of College Heights MOPS, starting with providing the most excellent steering team a coordinator could ever ask for! Girls, seriously, your support and encouragement kept me going! And your willingness to work hard alongside me deserves just as much credit, not to mention all your thoughts and ideas that helped make the dream a reality. And Mentor Mom, thank you. It would take all day to type how God has used you in my life.

At our final meeting of the year, I was really surprised to be formally thanked and honored for my service as coordinator. It was completely unexpected. The gifts were lovely and obviously someone's been paying attention to my tastes:), but what means the most to me and what I will treasure forever are the cards written by moms who have been impacted by MOPS. To close out this entry, I am going to share some of these treasured thoughts with you.

-MOPS has become such a highlight in my life!
-I am thankful...for your love for Christ; it inspires me to search deeper spiritually.
-You inspire me to give. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and being a true friend.
-Thank you for helping make sure this mom is not alone - because it surely can get lonely out here!
-I can see the Lord's light in you...
-You have made an impact on so many lives.

Thank you, Jesus, for picking me. I love to be used by you! To God be the glory, great things He has done!

MOPS Graduation

When a mom's youngest child is in 1st grade, she graduates from MOPS. It is a bittersweet transition. College Heights MOPS will miss Jen Harvey! Jennifer, you have helped me so much in getting this group going and have always been so supportive and encouraging to me! I don't know if I could have done it without you! I am so thankful that you will continue to be beside me at Teen MOPS! I love you, my sister in Christ!

Walk for Babies

It was sunny, but windy on our Walk for Babies/March of Dimes. This is the College Heights MOPS team! You may notice that I am without my kids! That is because I had several things going on that day and I pleaded with my mom to keep them home rather than bring them on the walk.

2010 MOPS Int. Leadership Summit: Passive Passion

I enjoyed hosting the Summit a great deal! All the prep and work going into it was creating some stress. And then I learned that there would be no out of town attendees, which caused some disappointment, followed by relief! I relaxed and enjoyed myself with the 5 girls that came. I truly enjoyed the simucast speakers, especially Margaret Feinberg. If you ever have the opportunity to hear her, you should! During our networking time, I enjoyed serving the girls by making them waffles with the works in the big restaurant sized waffle maker.

Spa Day

We had spa day at MOPS and I felt my dear hubby should be pampered too. He was man enough to have his picture taken with his feet in a vibrating foot soak tub.

A story about how I got to be where I am.

This is not my life story. I won't go back that far. But just far enough to say, I was unhappy. I should have been very happy. We were living in our own, gorgeous home that we had built with our own blood, sweat, and tears. (Now I know the true meaning of that expression.) I had just had our third child, Hallie, whom we had planned for. (I thought I was ready.) This story doesn't actually start at this point, I guess, but probably 6-8 months later. I found myself home with 3 young children and getting out was more of a chore. I found myself without close friends living near. I found myself lonely and overwhelmed. After several failed attempts to make connections with other moms of young children, I chose to isolate myself and sink deeper into depression. It was at this point that God knew he could get my attention. It started with a Ladies Retreat and a passage in Isaiah 58 aimed directly at me (8-14). Here is what I needed to know: my healing would come (v.8) if I look beyond myself to how I can help/encourage/love/impact others, and the Lord will guide me (v.10-11). Stop following my own desires and the Lord will be my delight (v.13-14). And so that is what I set out to do! It wasn't all peaches and cream, but I sought the Lord's will for me daily and I enjoyed a very sweet communion with Him. He directed me on how to line up my priorities as I sought to move beyond myself, and it started with my family. My first commitment was to my husband and my second was to my kids. From here is where I was seeking the next opportunity to serve Him. I have to say, I was a little impatient. But His timing is always best.

It turns out, someone else had been praying for me too. I had no idea. She is a person I had always considered my spiritual mentor and when we had a conversation about what God had been speaking to each of us, I knew I was to take a position of leadership. It was during this conversation that God impressed MOPS upon my heart. I really had no idea what MOPS even was. But it went through my head and erupted out of my mouth, straight from God. The other thing going through my head was "no, no, no! I cannot be a leader! I've never been a leader. I am scared to lead!" I went home to look MOPS up online to see what I was getting myself into!

When I learned what MOPS was, I was so excited! And almost angry, as I thought, "why don't we already have MOPS in our community?" If MOPS is needed anywhere, it is definitely here, where the long, cold, dark winters keep mothers of preschoolers imprisoned in their homes, with very few opportunities to get out in the community to meet one another! Here, where mothers of preschoolers, particularly stay at home moms, such as myself, are spending long dark days at home without the support of friends in the same trenches or adult conversation, many with 3 or more preschoolers driving them crazy! That's how it was.....in my home. The world doesn't necessarily understand. But we understand. We all understand where each other is coming from. But many, such as myself, find it difficult, for one reason or another, to reach out and make that initial connection with another mom. MOPS stands in the gap.

As I read, planned, and attended the MOPS Convention (with something like 4,000 other moms of preschoolers, I might add!), I quickly became passionate about MOPS. It wasn't just about meeting moms' need for connecting with each other, it was about meeting a mom's greatest need: her need for Jesus. Because, had I not already known the One who loved me and who was waiting for me to reach out to and rely upon, I would still be in that pit of despair. What about the mom who is alone and doesn't know the One who will befriend her for eternity and give her joy unspeakable on this earth regardless of any situation? I knew with certainty, this is what He was calling me to do. So, with almost no leadership experience and no experience with MOPS, having never attended one meeting, I took a huge leap of faith.

The MOPS group God led me to start has been successful beyond what I ever imagined. It makes me so happy to know that in this community there is a place for moms to go to encourage and support, to be encouraged and supported. Where all moms are welcomed and loved and hopefully the mom who doesn't know Jesus, the One who loves her most, will get to know Him! I am completely honored and humbled that God would use me to start something this big in our community. I love MOPS and I hope that I will be involved in MOPS in one way or another for a very long time.

for more info about MOPS go to www.mops.org