Friday, August 24, 2012

Discerning the voice of God (has that been used before? it sounds so familiar...)

Tonight I am not sleeping.  This is not by choice.  I want to say it's good practice for when baby arrives.  The problem is, my body cannot physically handle the lack of sleep right now.

So why am I awake?  I haven't figured it out yet.

I feel God must really be trying to get something through to me.  I just wish it could be more clear RIGHT NOW.  My brain is jumping all over the place.

Some things weighing heavily on my mind tonight include:

  • my children - how can I be the best mama possible to them and spur them on to love like Jesus? and how can I teach them responsibility in our home while maintaining a positive attitude of love and a cool, calm temper?
  • pregnancy/new baby - please, please, please come early so I can be out of physical pain and discomfort! it's been a long time since there's been an infant in our routines.  will everything fall to pieces?
  • MOPS leaders in Alaska - how can I best support them and remain balanced in order to meet the needs of my family?
  • MOPS moms - how can I put into practice this exciting new calling God has put into my heart? (mentorship)
  • my online course for certification renewal - can't I just get it done already?!  there are so many other things I need/want to be doing with my time.  my heart is just not in it, but it is a roadblock to other activities that I need and want to be doing and the only way past is to get it done.
  • the poor/orphans - for some reason God keeps bringing them to me, and my compassion is so great that I feel like I will nearly explode with anger that I am forced to keep reading about them/seeing pictures and be able to do nothing.  My heart hurts.  I am sick with guilt.  I have no peace.  God, please, I need you to be more specific in this area.  What am I to do?!
Thanks for letting me share my head tonight.  

This is my quiet, secret place. (not so secret, I know. but it feels secret right now in the pitch black of my living room at 2:44 am)

Sometimes the only way to have peace is to empty it completely.