Friday, August 24, 2012

Discerning the voice of God (has that been used before? it sounds so familiar...)

Tonight I am not sleeping.  This is not by choice.  I want to say it's good practice for when baby arrives.  The problem is, my body cannot physically handle the lack of sleep right now.

So why am I awake?  I haven't figured it out yet.

I feel God must really be trying to get something through to me.  I just wish it could be more clear RIGHT NOW.  My brain is jumping all over the place.

Some things weighing heavily on my mind tonight include:

  • my children - how can I be the best mama possible to them and spur them on to love like Jesus? and how can I teach them responsibility in our home while maintaining a positive attitude of love and a cool, calm temper?
  • pregnancy/new baby - please, please, please come early so I can be out of physical pain and discomfort! it's been a long time since there's been an infant in our routines.  will everything fall to pieces?
  • MOPS leaders in Alaska - how can I best support them and remain balanced in order to meet the needs of my family?
  • MOPS moms - how can I put into practice this exciting new calling God has put into my heart? (mentorship)
  • my online course for certification renewal - can't I just get it done already?!  there are so many other things I need/want to be doing with my time.  my heart is just not in it, but it is a roadblock to other activities that I need and want to be doing and the only way past is to get it done.
  • the poor/orphans - for some reason God keeps bringing them to me, and my compassion is so great that I feel like I will nearly explode with anger that I am forced to keep reading about them/seeing pictures and be able to do nothing.  My heart hurts.  I am sick with guilt.  I have no peace.  God, please, I need you to be more specific in this area.  What am I to do?!
Thanks for letting me share my head tonight.  

This is my quiet, secret place. (not so secret, I know. but it feels secret right now in the pitch black of my living room at 2:44 am)

Sometimes the only way to have peace is to empty it completely.


Ivymamma said...

Those nights are so hard to discern. Writing them down and letting them "marinate" can be comforting. Praying you get some sleep, baby comes at the perfect time, and that years from now you will look back and be excited about how God prepared you for the amazing things you are doing!

Carol said...

I miss you. You are amazing. GET SOME SLEEP! that is all.